PRICE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS 




i LODGERS TAKEN IN 



A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS 



LEVIN C. TEES 




DICK & FITZGERALD 

PUBLISHERS 

i8 Ann Street, New York 




PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

15 CENTS EACH 

r 

CRANFOED DAMES. 2 Scenes; 1}4 liours 8 

GERTRUDE MASON, M.B. 1 Act; 30 minutes 7 

CHEERFUL COMPANION". 1 Act; 25 minutes 2 

LESSON IN ELEGANCE. 1 Act; £0 minutes 4 

MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 3 Acts; I14 hours 6 

MURDER WILL OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

ROMANCE OF PHYLLIS. 3 Acts; I14 hours 4 

SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes 5 

OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 4 

SWEET FAMILY, 1 Act; 1 hour 8 

BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. lAct;3hours 30 

PRINCESS KIKU. (85 cents) 13 

RAINBOW KIMONA. (35 cents.) 2 Acts; 1}^ hours 9 

MERRY OLD MAIDS. (35 cents.) Motion Song 11 





PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

15 CENTS EACH 

M 

APRIL FOOLS. 1 Act; 30 minutes 3 

BYRD AND HURD. 1 Act; 40 minutes 6 

DARKEY WOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

WANTED, A MAHATMA. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

MANAGER'S TRIALS. lAct;lhour 9 

MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 minutes 7 

NIGGER NIGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. 1 Act; 30 minutes 5 

WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK.. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. 1 Act; 1 hour 12 

PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes 6 

HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes "10 

CASE OF HBRR BAR ROOMSKI. Moclt Trial; 2 hours.... 28 

DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Mock Trial. 22 

GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mock Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 

RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; i;^ hours 24 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



LODGERS TAKEN IN 



H ComcDs in Zbxcc Beta 
(Adapted from the German) 



LEVIN C. TEES 

Author of Butternut's Bride, New Partner, Rogue's 
Luck, Snobson's Stag Party, etc., etc. 



Copyright, 1913, by Dick & Fitzgerald 



NEW YORK 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Ann Street 



< 



V 



9^, 



'^- 



iClD 33884 



NOTE. — The professional acting rights of this play are ex- 
pressly reserved by the publishers, to whom theatrical man- 
agers who wish to produce it should apply. Amateur repre- 
sentation may be made without such application and without 
charge. 



LODGERS TAKEN IN, 



Characters. 

Geeald Majilton, elderly victim of the green-eyed monster. 

First old man 

Felix Hoppek, his nephew Light comedy 

Benjamin Badpay, a valet Second low comedy 

Pkof. Cornelius Ceusty, who loves to- ^ose as an invalid. 

Eccentric comedy 

Tom Trumpet, alias Frederic Vanderbool Juvenile 

Timothy Thimrig First low comedy 

Mrs. Gertie Majilton, a mistrusted ivife Juvenile 

Madge Beauclaire, of the Variety Theatre Sotihrette 

Mrs. Angelina Thimrig First old lady 

Alice Thimrig, her daughter Ingenue 

A Lawyer 
A Boy 

Time. — The present. Locality. — New York City. 

Time of Playing. — Two and a half hours. 

Synopsis. 

Act I. — Parlor in Gerald Majilton's home in New York 
City. The jealous husband and the suspected wife start on a 
journey. The impecunious nephew and the rascally servant. 
" We will take lodgers." A comely customer. The trombone 
player. The actress. A family of three. "It is not so quiet 

3 



4 Lodgers Taken In. 

here after all." " Help ! Help ! I am dying ! Get me a 
Seidlitz powder ! " Funny finale. Tableau. 

Act II. — Scene same as Act I. A morning, two weeks later. 
The lodgers in trouble. The nephew fascinated by " the little 
witch." Papa Thimeig's adventure with the actress. The 
dressmaker's bill. " You shall see me as Prince Romeo." 
Mbs. Thimeig puts in an unexpected appearance. " Mother, 
is it wool or silk?" Picture. 

Act III. — Scene same as Act I. Afternoon of same day. 
The landlord returns. Felix Hoppee finds himself engaged to 
two. The champagne dinner. Mamma Thimeig sent on a 
wild goose chase. Hoppee's stroke of paralysis. Hopper and 
the actress. The maiden's jealousy. " Down on your knees 
and beg my husband's pardon ! " Uncle comes home unex- 
pectedly and finds the house full of lodgers. The wife con- 
fronted with the alleged Lothario. The mistake discovered. 
No use for the lawyers. Hopper's resolve to take no more 
lodgers. The denouement. 



Costumes and Characteristics. 

Gerald Majilton. Age 60. Stout, red faced, no beard, 
iron gray hair. Quick and irritable in speech. He wears 
glasses. Act. I and Act III. — Gray business-suit and overcoat, 
prepared for traveling, umbrella, etc. 

Felix Hopper. Age 25. A young, dashing, devil-may-care 
New Yorker. Act I. — Dark business-suit, silk hat, overcoat, 
gloves. Act II. — Light coat and trousers, well-worn dressing- 
gown. Act III, — Fashionable suit, hat and cane. 

Benjamin Badpay. Age 30. A very " fresh " valet. Smooth 
spoken, with a smart and impudent air. He is attired in a 
dark, neatly fitting suit and in the scene Act I where he is 
about to leave, he appears with silk hat, overcoat, umbrella, 
valise, etc. 

Professor Cornelius Crusty. Age 70. Afflicted with all 
the ills that man is heir to and succeeds in making everybody 
unhappy. Face made up pale and sallow looking, smooth 
shaven. Speaks in a quick quarrelsome tone. Act I,—- Dark 
clothes, well worn tourist's cap ; when he enters a shawl is 
wrapped around his body and well around his neck ; this he 
removes after entering. Pajamas under blanket after mustard 
bath. Act III. — Invalid's attire, dressing-gown, slippers, etc., 
smoking cap. 



Lodgers Taken In. 6 

Tom Trumpet. Age 22. An audacious lover with an inquisi- 
tive turn of mind. Fasliionable clothes, rather sporty in 
make-up. 

Timothy Thimrig. Age 50. He is domesticated when at 
home, but a sport when he is out. A typical middle aged 
country merchant, plain in attire ; of sporting proclivities, 
though in terror of his wife. In Act III at the champagne 
dinner he is decorated with a boutonuiere awkwardly arranged 
and is a trifle more gay than usual In his appearance. 

Mrs. Gertie Majilton. Age 25. A young married woman 
of fashion, a trifle giddy, but true as steel; good natured and 
frolicsome, fond of teasing her aged husband. Act I. — First 
dress, morning-gown. Second dress, an elegant traveling-dress 
and wrap. Act III. — First dress, traveling-suit ; second dress, 
house dress. 

Madge Beaxjclaire. Age 30. A light, airj^ dashing young 
woman of the stage, who seeks a protector and enjoys cham- 
pagne dinners. Self possessed and full of assurance. Act I. — 
Street costume of a rather loud appearance, bespeaking her a 
soubrette of the " dashing " order. Act II. — First dress, morn- 
ing-gown ; second dress, her make-up as " Prince Romeo " with 
doublet, hose, and silk tights, or some fancy comic opera 
costume. Act III. — First dress, street costume same as Act 
I ; second dress, costume of gay appearance. 

Mrs. Angelina Thimbig. Age 45. Jealous by nature, 
suspicious in disposition, and whose will is law. Plain and 
prim in appearance, wears shawl, old fashioned bonnet, etc. 
Same dress throughout the play, though in scenes where it is 
required she removes bonnet and shawl. 

Alice Thimrig. Age 17. Innocent and impetuous, fresh 
from a country town, but naturally refined and quick to pick 
up the ways and customs of the big city. She dotes on the 
alleged landlord. Act I. — Traveling-dress. Act II. — Light 
house-dress. Act III. — Street-dress. 



6 Lodgers Taken In. 

Incidental Properties. 

Act I. — Roll of money, note paper and letter for Majilton. 
Small traveling bag containing books, set of boxing gloves, 
long pipe, boot-jack, two autophones resembling ear trumpets 
for Hopper; the autophones are found in the desk. Letter, 
small dog led by a chain for Mrs. Majilton. Large valise, 
cane, umbrella, note book, pitcher of water, torn clothing and 
rouge for Badpay. Trombone in a green bag for Tom Trumpet. 
A blanket and money for Prof. Crusty. Visiting card for 
Madge. Bell off stage. A tract for Mrs. Thimrig. 

Act II. — Book, bunch of keys and large newspaper for 
Hopper. Note, tray for lunch, and bunch of keys for Badpay. 
Cigar and matches, jewel case for Thimrig. Dressmaker's bill 
for Madge. Key, hat and cane for Mrs. Thimrig. Basket 
containing bottles of champagne, for boy. 

Act III. — Umbrella and valise for Majilton. Purse and 
coin for Mrs. Majilton. Bills for Prof. Crusty. Letter, tray 
with chicken, knives, forks, dishes, glasses, etc., and telegram 
for Badpay. Bouquet of flowers for Thimrig. Green bag for 
lawyer. 

Stage Directions. 

As seen by a performer on the stage, facing the audience. 
E. means right ; l., left ; c, center of stage ; d. l. c, door left 
of center, rear flat ; d. r. c, door right of center, rear flat ; 
L. 1 e., left first entrance ; r. 1 e., right first entrance ; l. 2 e., 
left second entrance ; e. 2 e., right second entrance ; up means 
toward back of stage; down, toward footlights. 



LODGERS TAKEN IN. 



SCENE. — Parlor in Gerald Majilton's home in New York 
City. Parlor scene in third groove (boxed). Large hay 
window in corner up l. Ttvo doors in rear fiat; the door 
E. of c. is backed by a hallway in fourth groove; door l. 
of c. is backed by walls of a small room in fourth groove; 
this is Tom Trumpet's room. Door l. 1 e. leads to 
Madge's room, door l. 2 e. leads to Hopper's room,, door 
B. 1 e. leads to Crusty's room, door b. 2 e. leads to 
Thimrig's room. Large mirror against tvall between r. 1 e. 
and R. 2 e. Armchair up r. Majilton's overcoat and hat 
on armchair. Table and armchair down r. of c. Large 
desk and stool up c. Armchair c. Table with cigar box up 
L. of c. Sofa DOWN L. of c. Table and armchair down l. of 
c. Pictures on wall, etc. Bell cord near l. 2 e. Clock on 
mantel or desk. Framed pictures, newspapers, etc. on c. 
table. Large table cover on c. table. Umbrella stand con- 
taining an umbrella near l. 2 e. 

ENTER Gerald Majilton, r. 2 e. 

Gerald Majilton {very angry, pacing up and down the 
room). She's deceiving me! She's deceiving me! I've sus- 
pected it all along, now I know it. I have the proof — the 
written proof that she's a flirt — that for months she has been 
pulling the wool over my eyes. Oh, why did I marry a second 
time ! Why did I take a wife thirty-five years my junior ! 
But things must change. I am master of the house and I'll 
see if I can't have my own way. {During the last words he 
pulls the bell cord violently) 

ENTER Benjamin Badpay d. r. c. 

Benjamin Badpay. Did you ring, sir? 

7 



8 Lodgers Taken In. 

Majilton. Did I ring, sir? I should say I did ring. Are 
all the trunks packed as I ordered — every one of them? 

Badpay. Yes, sir ; but 

Majilton. Well, but what? 

Badpay. What will Mrs. Majilton say to all this, sir? 

Majilton. Mrs. Majilton knows nothing about it. I want 
to give her a pleasant little surprise. Understand? At all 
events, it's none of your business. It is my affair. 

Badpay (aside). The old man is in a bad humor. (Aloud) 
Have you any further orders, sir? 

Majilton. Yes. The large trunks are to go immediately to 
the express office — and, by the way, as we are going to travel 
for a year, I shan't need your services any more. (Hands 
money and a paper to Badpay) Here is a month's pay in lieu 
of notice, and here is a letter of recommendation to your next 
employer. Now I've settled with you. Good morning ! 

Badpay. Good morning, sir. (Aside) He is in a bad 
humor ! [EXIT l. 2 E. 

Majilton. That's settled. Everything moves like clock 
work now that I've taken a determined stand in this matter. 
But where the deuce can Felix be? (Looks at tvatch) I 
hope the boy hasn't forgotten our engagement. 

ENTER Mrs. Majilton d. e. c. 

Mrs. Majilton (aside). He always goes out at this time. 
What is he waiting for? 

Majilton (aside). Ah, there she is! Now to enact the 
Roman husband. (He draivs himself up sternly and paces 
UP and DOWN the stage at l.) 

Mrs. Majilton (has taken a seat at table r. of c). Won't 
you stop your racing up and down the room? Do sit down. 
You make me nervous. 

Majilton (hesitatingly). My dear, I've something to say to 
you. 

Mrs. Majilton. Well, sit down and say it. 

Majilton (in a conciliatory tone). My dear, we are going 
to travel. 

Mrs. Majilton. Don't joke, you're not witty enough. 

Majilton. I am not joking. I repeat, we are going to 
travel, and we start at once. 

Mrs. Majilton. You don't mean it ! 

Majilton. I do. I have made all the arrangements. Our 
trunks have gone to the express office and the train starts in 
an hour. 



Lodgers Taken In. 9 

Mbs. Majilton. You seem in a great hurry! 

Majilton. I've made up my mind to it — that's enough — we 
leave the house at once. 

Mrs. Majilton (aside). Poor Fred will come in vain to- 
day. 

Majilton (aside). She is considering it. 

Mrs. Majilton (aside). I can't help him. He must stifle 
his longings until we return. (Alotid) Very well, since it is 
your wish, we will travel. (She rises) Have a little patience, 
you impetuous monster. I'll be ready in a few minutes. 

Majilton (dumfounded). Gertie, nothing disconcerts you. 

Mrs. Majilton (latighing). I thought you knew me long 
ago. [EXIT R. 2 E. 

Majilton (looking after her). I know you better than you 
think, madam. (Sadly) But how can she laugh, with such 
a wicked conscience? 

ENTER Felix Hopper d. b. c, carrying small traveling-hag, 
a few hooks, pair of hoxing gloves, a long pipe and a hoot- 
jack. 

Hopper. Well, uncle, here I am. Punctual to the minute. 
(Deposits his hurden carelessly upon c. tahle, upsetting articles 
upon it) 

Majilton. Take care what you are doing. You'll ruin me. 
Is this what you call being punctual? You're two hours late. 

Hopper. I can't help it. You told me to bring my worldly 
possessions. 

Majilton. And are these your worldly possessions? A pair 
of boxing gloves, a pipe and a change of linen? 

Hopper. Diogenes had still less. 

Majilton. But he was a philosopher. Now stop your 
nonsense and pay attenion. (Hopper fidgets around) Won't 
you sit still? 

Hopper. I am all attention. 

Majilton. I'm going abroad with my wife. We start to- 
day — this morning — in an hour. 

Hopper (coolly). Is that so! 

Majilton. You need not ask my destination, that is a 
secret. I suppose you wonder why I leave so suddenly. I'll 
tell you. My wife is deceiving me. 

Hopper (cooly). Is that so! 

Majilton. Can you say anything but "Is that so?" Why 
aren't you as excited as I am? 



lO Lodgers Taken In. 

HoppEB. Because I know you're mistaken. 

Majilton. Mistaken? 

Hopper. Of course you are. Your wife is the truest little 
woman in the world. I know it. I tried to flirt with her 
once — just after she married you and she read me a lecture 
I'll never forget. 

Majilton. Well, you are certainly frank about it. But 
Felix, my boy, this is a great deal worse than you have any 
idea of. (In a confidential tone) Now listen. I've noticed 
for some time past a certain young man who loiters around 
the house, who tries to meet us on the avenue, at balls, concerts 
and at the theatre; and I'm not such an egotistical old idiot 
as to think these attentions are for my sweet sake. 

Hopper. Pshaw ! You imagine all this. 

Majilton. I do, do I? My wife corresponds with the 
young scamp. How about that? 

Hopper. Impossible ! 

Majilton. I tell you it is so. I've captured a letter she 
addressed to the rogue. I have it here in my pocket. (Pro- 
duces letter and reads) "My dear Mr. Vanderbool." The 
rascal's name is Frederic Vanderbool and I judge by his 
address that he is one of the swells. (Reads) "My dear, 
Mr. Vanderbool. At last I yield to your entreaty and grant 
you the asked-for meeting, although it is really not right to 
keep it a secret from my husband." Isn't she an angel ! " But 
I'm so sorry for you." Kind hearted dove ! " Come to us 
to-morrow between eleven and twelve." That's to-day, within 
an hour. " I'll see that you meet no one else. But be very 
careful or you will spoil it all. Your sincere friend, Gertie 
Majilton." May be you call that imagination. 

Hopper. I see what the matter is. You want to fight him, 
and you want me for bottle holder. 

Majilton. Nothing of the kind. I'm going to take my wife 
away from temptation, and by the way, I've sent your cousin 
Dora to boarding school, so she'll be out of temptation too. 
Dora is a sweet girl and I've reserved her for you. We are 
going abroad and will be away for a year; meanwhile you 
stay here and take charge of my house. 

Hopper. Bachelor's hall? You don't mean it! 

Majilton. I'll be liberal with you. You shall have a 
monthly allowance of ten dollars. 

Hopper (aside). That won't keep me in cigars. 

Majilton (producing money). Here is your first month's 
allowance. Spend it judiciously. Next month I'll remit you 



Lodgers Taken In. 11 

another ten dollars from wherever I chance to be. You'll live 
like a fighting-cock, for you'll have no rent to pay. And when 
we return you are to marry Dora. You love her, don't youV 

HoppEE. I idolize that girl. 

Majilton. Very well. Now if you want to win my affec- 
tions In the bargain, watch out for Mr. 'Vanderbool, and if he 
calls — break his neck. 

HoppEK. I'll break his solar plexus. {Makes a Mow at an 
imaginary opponent) Will he call? 

Majilton. Without doubt. What I read to you was only a 
copy of my wife's letter. I sealed up the original again and 
sent it to the scoundrel. Pitch into him — pulverize him — and 
if he dies, I'll go on your bail bond — sh — hist — not a word — my 
wife. 

ENTER Mrs. Majilton e. 2 E., wearing a traveling-suit and 
leading a small pet dog hy a chain. 

Hopper {saluting). My dear, aunt! 

Mes. Majilton {buttoning her gloves). Good morning, 
Felix. Do you know that we are going abroad? 

Majilton. Of course he does. He is going to take charge 
of the house in our absence. 

Mes. Majilton {carelessly). Indeed! {Aside) And 
Vanderbool is coming here. 

Majilton {aside to Hoppee). Did you see how she started? 
She fears for her lover. 

Mrs. Majilton (aside). If I had only given Felix a hint. 

Majilton {takes hat and coat from armchair and looks at 
Ms watch). Time's up! We must start. {Sees little dog. 
Adjusts glasses on nose and looks at dog) Hello! Hello! 
You're not going to take that poodle along? 

Mes. Majilton (offended). Foodie! My dear, little Fido ! 

Majilton. That is all right ! But give Fido to Felix. He'll 
take charge of him until we return. 

Mes. Majilton (sweetly). Felix, will you take care of my 
little Fido? 

Hoppee. Like a mother! 

Mes. Majilton. What a good soul you are ! (Hands dog's 
chain to Hoppee) 

Majilton (taking Mrs. Majilton's arm and moving to- 
ward D. e. c). It is high time we were off. (To Hopper) 
Remember what I said to you. Be frugal and industrious. 

Mrs. Majilton. And take good care of little Fido. 

[EXIT Mr. and Mrs. Majilton d, r. c. 



12 Lodgers Taken In. 

HoppEE. Well, this is a comical situation for a struggling 
young M. D. Janitor of an empty house, and guardian to a 
poodle. My canine friend, I'll soon dispose of you. (Takes 
dog off L. 2 E. and returns immediately) So my uncle is 
jealous ! Well, this adventure has its bright side. The salary 
is not princely, but I've the key to the wine cellar, and 
{Points to cigars on table) the old man went away and forgot 
his cigars. (Takes a cigar, lights it, and comfortably seats 
himself in easy chair at table) So uncle has made up his 
mind that I should marry Dora. I like the girl immensely, but 
hang it, I can't think of her as mj^ wife. Now for my medical 
studies. (Takes several books from his valise. Reads) "The 
principal nervous diseases." I'll begin on that. 

ENTER Badpay l. 1 e., carrying a large valise in one hand 
and an umbrella in the other. 

Badpay. Hello doctor ! 

Hopper. Hello yourself and see how you like it. Where are 
you going? 

Badpay. I'm off ! Discharged. Got a month's pay in lieu of 
notice. What are you doing here? 

Hopper. I'm in charge of the premises until uncle's return. 

Badpay (setting down his valise). If that's the case, sup- 
pose I stop with you? You know I unite the arts of the cook 
with the accomplishments of a valet. I can write love letters, 
train dogs, comb your hair, do your financeering 

Hopper. Stop right now. Can you do financeering? 

Badpay. To the queen's taste. 

Hopper. My uncle has left me a stipend of ten dollars a 
month during his absence. How am I to live on that and 
find myself in theatre tickets and the other necessaries of life? 

Badpay (after considering a moment). By renting out 
rooms. 

Hopper. What in the world are you driving at? 

Badpay. Easy as A, B, C. Your uncle has left you the sole 
occupant of this big house. He won't return until the deuce 
knows when. What is to prevent us from taking in lodgers? 

Hopper. Are you crazy? 

Badpay. Not in the least. You'll be the landlord and I'll 
be the agent. The rent must of course be paid in advance — 
and I'll collect my commissions regularly in advance. It is as 
easy as rolling ofE a log — a fine house — a good neighborhood — 



Lodgers Taken In. 13 

why, we'll have troops of desirable lodgers applying as soon 
as we hang out the shingle. But where is the shingle? Ah, 
I have it ! There is a square piece of white pasteboard in the 
basement, with that and a penful of ink I'll soon manufacture 
a shingle. [EXIT d. r. c. 

HoppEE. Is the fellow mad? But taking it all in all, the 
scheme is not so risky as it seemed at first, and besides, I 
need money. It makes no difference to uncle whether the 
house is empty or occupied, and then I am here in person to 
-look after things. I can take in lodgers for six months and 
he'll never be the wiser. 

ENTER Badpay d. k. c. 

Badpay (triumphant tone). The sign is up. 

Hopper. But I'll tell you one thing — I won't have any 
children. 

Badpay. Why should you? You're not married. 

Hopper. I mean in the house. (Badpay goes to the different 
side rooms and writes in his notebook) What are you doing? 

Badpay. I'm putting a price on each single den. Hello, 
here are two communicating rooms. 

Hopper. There's an alcove there too. (Pointing to room 
L. 2 E.) That shall be my apartment. 

Badpay. And this parlor? 

Hopper. This shall be the common property of all the 
lodgers. 

Badpay ( at tvindoiv up l. ) . Eureka ! The fish bites ! 

Hopper. What do you mean? 

Badpay. An old gentleman is reading the sign. He is look- 
ing at the number. Now he consults his watch. He is a 
suspicious looking character. 

Hopper. Suspicious? (Clock on mantel strikes eleven) 
Eleven o'clock! (Aside) And uncle said that Vanderbool 
would be here between eleven and twelve. (Aloud) Badpay, 
do you know that I have a presentiment that the suspicious 
character down at the door is a young man in disguise coming 
here on an errand that effects the honor of this house. In 
fact, I've instructions to punch his head the minute I lay 
hands on him. (Door bell rings) That is the villain ringing 
the bell. He wants to get in. Admit him, and once safe inside 
the parlor, don't let him out until I've peppered him well. 

Badpay, This begins to look like business. 

[EXIT briskly p. b. c. 



14 Lodgers Taken In. 

{In the interval that elapses before the next entrance Hopper 
puts on the bowing gloves and devotes the time to sparring 
at an imaginary enemy.) 

ENTER Badpay d. e. c. 

Badpay (speaMng off e.). This way, sir! Walk right in. 
(Peofessoe Coenelius Ceusty appears at d. e. c, is look^ 
ing timidly in when Badpay seizes him and hustles him to the 
center of stage. Badpay quickly returns to door, blocking up 
passage way to prevent Peof. Ceusty's escape) We've got 
him at last ! 

Hoppee {sparring at Peof. Ceusty). You bald headed 
villain ! 

Peof. Ceusty. Help! Help! {Takes refuge behind arm- 
chair) 

Hoppee {chasing Peof. Ceusty). I'll help you. 

Badpay {attacking him from the rear). You're a bad lot! 

Peof. Ceusty ( on his knees ) . Gentlemen don't murder me ! 

Hoppee {to Badpay). Hello, vpe've made a mistake. He 
isn't a villain in disguise. I recognize him. It's Professor 
Crusty of the High School. 

Peof. Ceusty. Gentlemen, I don't know what I've done to 
incur your anger. I'm Professor Cornelius Crusty. 

Hoppee. I know you are, sir. We did not recognize you at 
first. You must pardon us. It is just a little mistake. 

Peof. Ceusty. A little mistake! You nearly thumped the 
life out of me. {Weakly) Give me a chair. 

Hoppee and Badpay. A chair! Immediately! (Crusty 
falls. They pick him up and put him into an armchair) 

Peof. Ceusty. Thank you ! 

Hopper. Again I beg your pardon ! 

Peof. Ceusty. Oh, but I am so awfully frightened ! Such a 
reception — and I a man of peace ! I must tell you I'm a 
nervous invalid. {Removes shawl) 

Badpay {laughs). Would you like another chair? 

Peof. Ceusty. No, no. A drop of fresh water. 

Hopper. Give him a little whiskey. 

Peof. Ceusty. Don't ! Don't ! I'm a teetotaler. 

Badpay. You may have all the water you want. {Brings 
pitcher from r. 2 e. ) Where will you have it? 

Peof. Ceusty. On the temples. (Badpay pours the water 
over his head ) Murder ! What kind of a place have I got 
into. I thought there were rooms to rent here. 



Lodgers Taken In. 15 

HOPPEK. So there are. Beautiful rooms! 

Badpay. Magnificent rooms ! 

Pkof. Crusty. I'm glad of it. I need look no further. You 
can't imagine what tiresome work room-hunting is for a weak 
old man like me. 

HoppEE. Won't jon look at the rooms? 

Pkof. Crusty. Give me your arm. I'm all in a tremble. 
(Hopper leads Prof. Crusty to r. 1 e. Opens door) 

Hopper. What do you think of this? 

Badpay. Isn't it charming ! 

Prof. Crusty. I hope it isn't too noisy. 

Badpay. It's as quiet as a graveyard! 

Prof. Crusty. I wish you wouldn't make such comparisons. 
It makes me think of dying. What is the rent? 

Hopper. Twenty dollars a month. 

Badpay. Invariably in advance ! (As Badpay talks he ruis 
his hand over the plush on chair to show how soft it is. 
Prof. Crusty watches him, makes a fearful grimace and draws 
up one leg) 

Hopper. Hold him ! He is going to have a fit ! ( Badpay 
and Hopper seise Prof. Crusty. He is frightened and strug- 
gles) 

Badpay. What is the matter, old man? (Continues rubbing 
chair) 

Hopper. Don't you like the terms? 

Prof. Crusty ( producing purse ) . Yes ! yes ! It's all right. 
I'll take the room. (Hands money to Hopper) Here's a 
month's rent. (To Badpay) Don't rub your hands over that 
chair. You make me nervous. You'll drive me wild ! 

Badpay (aside). And he is such a nice old gentleman! 

Prof. Crusty (to Hopper). I'd like to take possession im- 
mediately. 

Badpay. That's all right, old man, the room is 

Prof. Crusty (fiercely). Don't call me old man! I'm not 
old! You make me nervous! Won't you sit down? (Hopper 
and Badpay both sit) 

Hopper. You're too sensitive. You need medical assistance. 
I'm a doctor — I've a diploma somewhere. Let me prescribe for 
you. 

Badpay (aside). Oh Lord! I wouldn't trust him with the 
life of a cat! (Busies himself about the room) 

Prof. Crusty (to Hopper). All right. If you want to ex- 
periment on me and it is gratis, go ahead. I might explain 



16 Lodgers Taken In. 

that I inherit my nervous temperament from my mother. 

Badpay (aside). And his beauty from liis father. 

Pkof. Ceusty. I am, as yon know, a Professor of Belles 
Lettres. I write poetry. 

Badpay. Did you bring any of it with you? 

Pbof. Crusty (to Hopper). Won't you keep that man quiet? 
Do you know what it is to have your poetry jeered at — sneered 
at — to have unmentionable projectiles fired at your head — 
when you attempt to read it? I have suffered all this, sir. Do 
you wonder that I am nervous? Look at me! See what I 
have suffered. Behold this physical and mental wreck ! ( Tot- 
ters into an arm chair) 

Hopper (aside). An interesting subject. I'll experiment 
with him. 

Badpay (to Hopper). He needs a mustard bath. 

Prof. Crusty. But I'm at home now. I'll find rest and 
quiet here. 

Badpay. This is the spot for rest and quiet. 

Hopper (to Prof. Crusty). I take a deep interest in your 
case. Professor, and I know what will cure you. I'll make you 
a new man. Have you ever tried a mustard bath? 

Prof. Crusty. No. Will it do me any good? 

Hopper. It will fill your veins with new blood. 

Prof. Crusty. Then I'll take one, if I have to pay for the 
mustard ! 

Hopper (assisting Prof. Crusty). This way, sir. (To 
Badpay) Benjamin, you take the professor's other arm, 
(They lead Prof. Crusty to r. 1 e.) 

Badpay (as they are about to exit, slapping Prof. Crusty on 
the hack). You shall have your mustard bath! 

[EXIT Hopper, Badpay and Prof. Crusty r. 1 E. 

ENTER Tom Trumpet, otherwise Frederic Vanderbool, d. r. c. 
He carries a large green dag containing a trombone. 

Tom Trumpet. I rang the bell twice — nobody heard me — so 
as the door was open, I walked in. What is the meaning of all 
this? I, Frederic Vanderbool, gentleman of leisure, but in con- 
stant dread of the sheriff, have an appointment to meet a 
lady — by Jove, a married lady — at a certain hour at her hus- 
band's residence — but on perfectly proper business. I arrive 
at the appointed hour to learn from a neighbor that the lady 
and her husband have just started for Europe. My astonish- 
ment has scarcely time to cool when I cliscoYer suspended from 



Lodgers Taken In. 17 

a window of the lady's house, a large placard announcing 
rooms to rent within. The idea ! The aristocratic Mr. and 
Mrs. Gerald Majilton, leaders of New York society, renting 
out rooms. But there is surely something wrong — there is mis- 
chief at work. So assuming the character of a musician, and 
assisted by this trombone which I borrowed from a friend, I 
shall apply for one of the vacant rooms, and if my true char- 
acter is not discovered I may unearth one of the mysteries of 
the house and learn the cause of the dislike that its eccentric 
owner has certainly taken to me. Now for it — Somebody is 
coming. 

ENTER Badpay e. 1 e. 

Badpay (sees Trumpet). Hello! How did you get in? 

Tbumpet. I found the door open and I walked in. 

Badpay. Now that you are in, what do you want? 

Trumpet. You've rooms to rent, I believe? (Badpay nods) 
What are the terms? 

Badpay. Single or double? 

Trumpet. Oh, single. 

Badpay. Forty dollars a month. 

Trumpet. Very well, that's cheap. I'll take it. 

Badpay (aside). He seems like a high roller; didn't try 
to beat me down a cent. (To Trumpet) You know the terms 
are cash invariably in advance. 

Trumpet. "What is that for? 

Badpay. It is the custom. 

Trumpet. It is a very bad custom. (Feeling in all his 
pockets) Can you give me change for a $1,000 bill? 

Badpay. I don't know. I'll ask the boss. (Starts toward 
E. 2 E. as Hopper ENTERS r. 1 e.) Here he is. (To Hopper) 
Have you change for a $1,000 bill. (Aside, to Hopper) I've 
rented a room to this duck. He's a cuckoo. Never kicked 
about the terms. 

Hopper (to Badpay) Good. (Aloud) I've plenty of change, 
but my money is all in my other clothes. 

Trumpet. It makes no difference. I'll remain, and you can 
get the change and collect your rent at your leisxire. 

Hopper. How about your baggage? Shall my servant 

Trumpet. No, no. I'll attend to the baggage myself. I'll 
retire to my room now and won't trouble you any more. 

Badpay. Here is your room. (Points to room d. l. c.) 
Right in here, 



18 Lodgers Taken In. 

HoppEE (#0 Tkumpet). One moment. What is your business? 

Trumpet. Oh, I'm a buffo. 

Badpay (aside). He says he's a buffer! 

Trumpet (explaining). I'm a buffo singer in the opera. I 
also play the trombone. (Points to green Mg) Here is my 
trombone. 

Hopper (aside). And I promised that sick man rest and 
quiet. 

Trumpet. Oh, we'll get along famously together. You'll 
like me. [EXIT d. l. c. 

Hopper. I hope so. (Oroans and yells heard from Prof. 
Crusty's room, r. 1 e. Hopper and Badpay look at each other 
in dismay) 

Prof. Crusty (off stage). Let me out! 

Hopper. Great Scott ! I forgot all about the patient. The 
mustard will blister him to death ! [EXIT hurriedly, e. 1 e. 

Badpay. Things promise to be lively around here. 

ENTER Hopper from r. 1 e., leading Prof. Crusty, who is 
wrapped up to his chin in a blanket. 

Hopper. Did it hurt? 

Prof. Crusty. Hurt? Do you want to burn me alive? 

Hopper. I wanted it to take hold. The rejuvenating process 
will now set in. To-morrow you shall have another bath. 

Prof. Crusty. Not on your life ! 

Hopper. What the matter with you is, you need exercise. 
I'll put you through a course of gymnastics. You imitate me. 
(Hopper takes c. of stage and goes through gymnastic evolu- 
tions with his arms and legs) 

Prof. Crusty. Will it do me good? 

Hopper. It's a sure cure. 

Prof. Crusty. I'll try it then. (He throws aside his blanket 
and imitates Hopper's gymnastics in an awkward manner. 
Badpay gets behind Prof. Crusti^ and mimics him. Stopping 
his gymnastics suddenly) I forgot my Seidlitz powders. 
(Fussing around) Where are my Seidlitz powders? (Trumpet 
off D. L. c, in a deep bass voice bawls an air from any con- 
venient opera) Good Lord! What is that? 

Badpay. That man has a voice like a fog horn. (Trumpet 
still off D. L. c. continues to sing) 

Prof. Crusty. I can't stand that! If he doesn't stop I'll go 
into a convulsion. I feel one coming on ! ( Hopper and Badpay 
seize the Professor and force him into arm chair. Every time 
iJuiy Trumpet sings Prof. Ckusiy is seized wit]^ a spasm) 



liodgers Taken In. 19 

HoppEE (to Badpay). Tell that man to keep quiet. 

Badpay {goes toward d. l. c.) We've two interesting lodgers. 
(Tbumpet suddenly stops singing and begins to emit discord- 
ant sounds on the trombone) 

Peof. Ceusty (to Hoppee). You've deceived me. This is not 
a quiet sanitarium. This is a menagerie! Gad! It's a mad 
house. 

Badpay (thumping on Teumpet's door). Say you, stop that 
racket! (Trumpet plays louder than before) 

Peof. Ceusty (to Hoppee). I won't stay here. I want my 
money back. 

Hoppee (to Badpay). Keep him quiet, can't you? 

Badpay (still thumping on door). I say, this isn't a boiler 
factory ! 

Peof. Ceusty. If the monster doesn't stop, I'll jump out of 
the window and you'll be responsible for my death. 

Teumpet (protruding head at d. l. c.) What is this noise 
about? Can't a man practice his music lesson in peace and 
quiet? (Withdraws head and slams door. Trombone solo im- 
mediately begins afresh and louder than ever. Peof. Ceusty 
tumbles off chair and rolls in a spasm on floor) 

PloppEE (to BADPAY, assisting Peof. Ceusty). Tell that man 
he must stop that racket or get out. 

Badpay. I'll tell him. (EXITS d. l. c. Trombone immedi- 
ately stops and a loud noise as if the house were falling doivn 
is heard. Badpay RE-ENTERS, running in, his clothes dis- 
arranged and his face bloody) Why didn't you tell me he was 
a fighter? 

Hoppee. What did he say? 

Badpay. He didn't say a word. 

Peof. Ceusty (rising and moving toioard e. 1 e.). I'm going 
to move. 

Hoppee (detaining him). Wait one moment. You don't 
hear the trombone now. 

Peof. Ceusty. But he'll begin again. 

Hoppee. Come, be reasonable. You'll find something you 
don't like in every place you go. Ah, I've an idea. Uncle 
bought some autophones. They must be around somewhere. 
(Rummages in the desk) Ah, here they are. (Produces auto- 
phones) Hold this to your ear and you won't hear a sound. 
Try it. You'll like it. It's a noble invention. 

Peof. Ceusty (putting autophone to ears). Now call me and 
see if I can hear. 



20 Lodgers Taken In. 

HoppEE (calls). Professor Crusty. (Louder) Professor 
Crusty ! 

Pkof. Crusty. I don't hear a sound. 

Badpay. You miserable old cur ! 

Peof. Crusty. Very good! Glorious invention! I'll stay 
here. I don't want my money back now. I'll live with you 
forever. [EXIT s. 1 e. 

Hopper. Will you? I'll bounce him at the end of the month. 
(Knock heard at d. r. c.) Benjamin, a visitor. Open the door. 
(Badpay opens d. e. c.) 

ENTER Madge Beauclaire d. r. c, gaily dressed in street 

costume. 

Madge Beauclaire (tvith the easy manner of a self-possessed 
ivoman of fashion). Are there any apartments here to rent? 

Badpay (stepping forward). At your service, madam. 
(Aside) Isn't she a stunner! 

Hopper. Benjamin, I'll attend to the lady. (Aside, whistles) 
Wheugh ! 

Madge. I'm looking for a nice front room. 

Badpay (interrupting) . How would this one suit? (Moves 
toward l. 1 e. ) 

Hopper (severely). Benjamin, retire! (To Madge, pointing 
to L. 1 e.) This is just the apartment you'll want. 

Madge (looking into room l. 1 e. ) Charming! But I fear it 
will be too dear for me. 

Hopper. Oh, a mere trifle. Ten dollars a month. 

Badpay. Invariably in advance. 

Hopper (to Badpay). Will you keep quiet! 

Madge. That is reasonable indeed. I'll take the room and 
move in at once. Here is my card. I am, as you see, a liiem- 
ber of the dramatic profession. 

Badpay. An actress! (Steps al)out joyously) I'm in luck. 

HoppEK (gallantly). I'm a great admirer of the stage. 
Your profession makes you doubly welcome. 

Badpay. Yes, we'll make you feel perfectly at home. (Hop- 
per pushes Mm to the rear) 

Madge. I already feel that I am among friends. And now, 
with your permission, I'll look at the room. (Courtesies) 

EXIT L. 1 E. 

Badpay (calling after her). You'll find everything in apple- 
pie order. 

Hopper. How beautiful ! How aristocratic ! How graceful ! 



Lodgers Taken In. 21 

What a simple and tasteful costume ! And tbose eyes ! 
( Sighs ) Those eyes ! 

Badpay. Yes, those eyes were certainly fine. 

HoppEE. What do you know about it? 

Badpay. I'm half partner in the concern and I ought to 
have some say. What is the lady's name? 

HoppEK (looking at card). Madge Beauclaire. 

Badpay. French ! (As he EXITS d. e. c.) I feel that Madge 
Beauclaire and I shall become better acquainted. 

[EXIT D. E. c. 

HoppEE. Not if I can help it ! [EXIT l. 2 e. 

ENTER Timothy Thimeig, Mbs. Thimeig and Alice Thimeig 

D. E. c. 

Me. Thimeig. There doesn't seem to be anybody about. 

Mes. Thimeig. I can't go a step further. (Sinks into chair) 

Thimeig. I also feel the effects of tight shoes: But it's 
your fault. We've been gallivanting around since early this 
morning to find apartments when we could easily have gone 
to a hotel. (Sits down l.) 

, Mes. Thimeig. You know I've a perfect horror of hotels. 
Alice, my child, sit down. (Alice sits in arm chair e. of sofa) 

Thimeig. You're never satisfied. For four mortal hours 
you've kept me running up and down stairs looking at rooms, 
and I'm tired of it. 

Mes. Thimeig. Alice, my child, step aside. I've a word to 
say to your papa. (Alice rises and examines pictures on the 
wall) I know what you're after. You wanted ine to take the 
room in West 75th Street — where there was a bouncing land- 
lady with red cheeks. 

Thimeig. My dear Angelina ! 

Mes. Thimeig. Oh, it's true. You insisted on taking those 
rooms even though the rent was higher than anywhere else. 

Thimeig. Pshaw! A few dollars. What is that? You 
know we can afford it. 

Mes. Thimeig. Afford it? Yes. Who did the scraping and 
saved the pennies? Ah, Timothy Thimrig, it is well for you 
that you have an economical wife. 

Thimeig. Yes, my dear, I can't deny that. (Aside) As I 
know, to my sorrow. 

Mes. Thimeig (discovers Alice looking at a picture). Mercy! 
that is a picture of Venus picking cherries ! 

Thimeig (jumping up). Where? Where? 



22 Lodgers Taken In. 

Mes. Thimrig {to Thimrig). For shame! (To Alice) 
Come here. If you wish to improve your time, here is a tract 
(Gives Alice a tract) 

Alice. But, O — mamma ! 

Thimrig. Don't make the poor child read 

Mrs. Thimrig. Timothy, I understand how to train the 
young. Don't interfere with me. Alice, you sit here. (Alice 
sits R. of her mother) Is everybody in the house asleep? Is 
there no one to attend to us? 

Thimrig. I'm in no hurry. I'm glad to have a place in which 
to sit down. 

ENTER Prof. Crusty e. 1 e. Me. and Mrs. Thimrig and 
Alice rise. 

Prof. Crusty (elated, walking tip and down). An excellent 
invention ! An inestimable invention ! I hear absolutely noth- 
ing. It has had a good effect on my nerves already. 

Mrs. Thimrig (in a loud voice). We have come to look at 
the rooms, sir. (Prof. Crusty pays no attention) 

Thimrig (shouts). We have come to look at the rooms. 
(Crusty does not hear) 

Alice (in a shrill tone at Prof. Crusty's ear). We have 
come to look at the rooms. 

Mrs. Thimrig. He doesn't hear a word. 

Mr. and Mrs. Thimrig and Alice (very loud). Show us 
the rooms, if you please ! 

Prop. Crusty (sees them for the first time). Hello! Did 
you say something? 

Thimrig (aside). Oh, if that man was only married to my 
wife. Her tongue would never bother him. 

ENTER Hopper l. 2 e. ENTER Badpay d. e. c. 

Badpay. More lodgers. 

Hopper (aside). What a pretty girl ! (Aloud) Pardon me, 
ladies and gentlemen, I didn't know you were here. Benja- 
min, show the rooms to the lady and gentleman. 

Badpay. At once. (Gets hetioeen Mr. and Mrs. Thimrig, 
links arms with doth and walks toivard r. 2 e.) 
' Mrs. Thimrig (as she is going off). What a nice young 
man! [EXIT Badpay, Mr. and Mrs. Thimrig r. 2 e. 

Prof. Crusty (seising Hopper's hand). Doctor, I thank you, 
I thank you ! You have recreated me ! I don't hear a sound ! 



Lodgers Taken In. 23 

Hang it, I shouldn't hear an earthquake. It couldn't be better 
if my ear drums had burst. [EXIT k. 1 e. 

HoppEK c. Alice l. c. 

Hopper (aside). They've gone away and left me all alone 
with this pretty girl. (To Alice) Well, Miss, don't you want 
to see the rooms? 

Alice. No, thank you. If my parents like them I shall be 
satisfied. 

HoppEB (aside). Obedient little angel. She's charming. 
(Aloud) I'm sure your parents will like the rooms, and they 
are very cheap, only twenty dollars a month. Do you like 
New York? 

Alice. Yes, sir, from what I've seen of it. But it is so ter- 
ribly noisy — so different from our own quiet little town. 

Hopper (aside). What pretty blue eyes she has. I'll rent 
the room for fifteen dollars a month. (Aloud) Can't I be of 
service to you in showing you around this great big city? 

Alice. My parents will be delighted, I'm sure. 

Hopper. And won't you? 

Alice (franJdy). Yes, I shall too. 

Hopper ( aside ) . A dear little soul ! 

Alice. Papa and mamma are staying a long time. 

Hopper (aside). I'm glad of it. (Aloud) They won't find 
another such suite of rooms for fifteen dollars a month. 

Alice. I thought they were twenty dollars a month. 

Hopper. Did I say twenty? I made a mistake. I meant 
ten. 

Alice (laughing) . How forgetful you are. (She steps back 
a little) 

Hopper (aside, enthusiastically). How pretty she is when 
she laughs. 

ENTER Badpay b. 2 E., folloioed hy Me. and Mrs. Thimrig. 
Badpay in R. upper corner, Hopper at his l., Alice stand- 
ing bade. Mrs. Thimrig at r., Thimrig at her r. 

Mrs. Thimrig (to Hopper). What are the terms for your 
rooms, sir? 

Hopper. Ten dollars a month. 

Thimrig. Is that all? 

Badpay (aside). Ten dollars! The man is crazy! He'll 
ruin us! 



24 Lodgers Taken In. 

Thimeig (to Mrs. Thimrig). Dirt cheap. We had better 
take them. {Bell rings in Prof. Cbusty's room r. 1 e.) 

Badpay (looks off into room R. 1 e.) Our nervous friend! 
Now, what is the matter? [EXIT Badpay r. 1 E. 

Mrs. Thimrig {crossing 6i/ Thimeig — To Hopper). We'll 
take the rooms. 

Thimrig. Let us sing Hallelujah ! 

Alice {aside). That's delightful. {Glancing slyly at Hop- 
per) Such a nice young man. 

Hopper {hugging himself ivith joy). She'll stay. 

Mrs. Thimeig. Provided that we have quiet and respectable 
neighbors. 

Hopper {boldly). Oh, I'll guarantee that! {His words are 
no sooner spoloen than a shrill Mast of the trombone is heard 
from Trumpet's room and this is Icept up until the fall of the 
curtain) 

Mrs. Thimrig. What is that noise? 

Hopper {aside) The lunatic with the trombone! 

ENTER Badpay hurriedly from e. 1 e. 

Badpay. Doctor ! Doctor ! 

Hopper. Well, what is the matter with you? 

Badpay ( excitedly ) . Help ! There is not a moment to 
lose. The autophones have stuck in the professor's ears and 
he is tearing things to pieces. {Racket heard in Prof. Crusty's 
room R. 1 e. ) 

Hopper. That man will be the death of me yet. {Rushes 
toicard r. 1 e., followed by Badpay) 

[EXIT Hopper and Badpay e. 1 e. 

Mrs. Thimrig. It is not so quiet here after all. 

Thimrig. But it is very cheap, my dear. 

ENTER Prof. Crusty r. 1 e., rushing in, terribly frightened 
and excited, with the two autophones stuck in his ear, fol- 
loived by Hopper and Badpay trying to hold him back by 
the coat tails. 

Prof. Crusty {in a shrill voice). Help! Help! I'm dying. 
Get me a Seidlitz powder. 

ENTER simultaneously Tom Trumpet d. l. c, shrilly blowing 
his trombone, and Madge from l. 1 e., singing in a loud, 
discordant voice an air from some popular song. 



Lodgers Taken In. 25 

Mb. and Mrs. Thimeig huddle together in fright c. of stage. 
Hopper and Badpay struggle tvith Prof. CRtiSTY r. of c. 
Madge sings l. of c, and Trumpet up l. Mows the trom- 
bone until the curtain falls. 

CURTAIN. 



ACT II. 

SCENE. — The same as Act I. Morning two weeks later. 

ENTER Hopper l. 2 e., carrying an open 'book. 

Hopper {abstractedly). That little witch with the roguish 
eyes! I can think of nothing else. When I attempt to read, 
her face comes upon every page. How fascinating she is — es- 
pecially when she forgets her timidity and feels perfectly at 
ease. {8its in arm chair e. of c.) But I'm afraid I've gone too 
far in the business. What began in an innocent flirtation has 
come to be downright earnest — and I'm afraid the dear little 
soul believes every word I say. What will be the outcome? I 
can't marry the girl, for unfortunately I am engaged to my 
cousin Dora — and there is a pile of money at stake in that di- 
rection — money that is an indispensable requisite to a strug- 
gling young physician in my position. 

ENTER Badpay r. 1 e. 

Badpay {loith a sad expression, surveying Hopper a moment 
in silence and shaking his head). Doctor, I wouldn't be in 
your boots for ten dollars. 

Hopper. What is the matter now? 

Badpay. The professor is sick again and says he intends 
to die before night. He says he is suffering from the effects of 
your experiments, and has left a clause in his will instructing 
his executors to have him cut open and then prosecute you for 
damages. 

Hopper {moving toivard R. 1 e.). I'll soon patch him up. 

Badpay. Better let him alone and attend to your other 
lodgers. 

Hopper. What are they doing? 

Badpay {confidentially) . Making all sorts of trouble. I'm 



26 Lodgers Taken In. 

afraid you and I are not going to make a fortune with our 
lodgers. 

Hopper. You and I? When did I take you into the firm? 
Your duties are to collect the rent and hand it over to me. 
How about Tom Trumpet? Has he settled yet? 

Badpay. No, and never will, I'm afraid. But he makes 
more noise and trouble than all the other boarders combined — 
except old Crusty — and he is a corker. (Bell in Pkof. Ceusty's 
room rings) There goes the professor's bell again. He doesn't 
give me five minutes' rest in the whole twenty-four hours. Ah, 
by the way, Miss Thimrig gave me a note for you — here it is. 

Hopper ( grasping the note eagerly). Dear little girl! 
What is she writing about? 

Badpay. I don't know. Suppose you read it aloud. 

Hopper. You impudent scoundrel ! 

Badpay. Is that in it? (Prof. Crusty's hell rings) 

Hopper. The professor wants you. 

Badpay. Confound the prof essor ! (Aside) I'd like to hear 
that letter read. [EXIT r. 1 e. 

Hopper. Now, for the letter. (Kisses it twice. Reads) 
" Dear Felix ! " The darling ! " Father and mother are going 
out to-day. I shall plead headache so as to be allowed to re- 
main at home as I want to talk to you. I've so much to say. 
A kiss from. Your Alice." My Alice ! Hello ! Hello ! My 
darling is progressing. Hopper, old boy, you've gone too far. 
You must be cautious. 

ENTER Thimbig. r. 2 E. 

Thimrig (calling hack into room). Well, Angelina, I'm 
going. (To Hopper) Doctor, you don't object to my smoking? 

Hopper. Not at all. 

Thimrig. Thank you. (Lights cigar) My wife, as you may 
be aware, does not permit smoking in our apartment. (Sits c.) 
By the way, doctor, I want to congratulate you. 

Hopper. What upon? 

Thimrig. Upon the nice, easy, gentle way you have of get- 
ting along with my wife. I can't do it and we've been married 
twenty-five years. She is almost amiable to you. 

Hopper. Isn't she always amiable? 

Thimrig. Of course ! Of course ! But it is not always per- 
ceptible. She is a remarkable woman, doctor. You've no idea 
how suspicious she is — and jealous — phew! don't mention it. 

Mrs. Thimrig (puts head out o/ r. 2 e.). Timothy, are you 
there? 



Lodgers Taken In. 27 

Thimeig. Here I am, my pet ! 

Mrs. Thimbig {at door). It's all right, I only wanted to 
know where you were. (She withdraws her head) 

Thimrig. Did you see her? Just like the devil in Punch 
and Judy. 

Hopper (laughing). A nice comparison. For shame! 

Thimbig (pacing up and dotvn). You may laugh, but I'm 
riled ! I'm mad ! It is infamous for a full-grown, married 
man — the father of a small family — to be kept under such 
surveillance. 

HoppEE. I'm afraid you've given your good lady cause for 
suspicion. (Nudges him) You sly old dog. 

Thimeig (flattered). How did you make that discovery? 
But it's a true bill, doctor, I must confess. Here at home you 
see what I am — a family man — but when I'm out, I'm a Lalla ! 

Hopper. Take care ! You are on dangerous ground. 

Thimrig. I know it, but I like the risk. 

ENTER Badpay e. 1 E. 

Badpay. He wants chamomile tea and a lobster Salad. 

[EXIT D. E. c. 

Hopper. Lobster salad ! It will be the death of him. I 
must remonstrate with my remarkable patient. [EXIT r. 1 E. 

Thimrig (consulting his watch). And I'll step out on the 
balcony a moment. It is just the hour that the pretty shop 
girls are passing. I mustn't miss them! (As he goes toward 
D. R. c. Madge ENTERS l. 1 e. Madge does not see Thimrig, 
but his eye falls on her and he stands a moment before he 
speaks. Aside ) Now she is what I call a corker ! A deuced 
fine looking woman ! 

Madge (thoughtfully, to herself). I really don't see how I'm 
going to get along until next pay day, for my dressmaker will 
not give me my new suit until I pay the last bill, and without 
my new suit I can't go on in the new play. 

Thimeig (in background, aside). I'd like to speak to her. 
Guess I'll risk it. There isn't much risk, for my wife is 
making her toilet and that is always a long job. (Arranges 
hair at mirror, and as if by a bold resolve he steps forward) 
Madam, allow me to introduce myself as a fellow-lodger. 
Thimrig is my name — nice name, isn't it? — Mr. Timothy 
Thimrig. 

Madge (politely, but rather coolly). Very glad to meet you, 
Mr. Timothy Thimrig. 



28 Lodgers Taken In. 

TiTiMRiG. I am a retired gentleman, living on my income 
and I am staying here for a few weeks while I investigate the 
gaieties and wickedness of New York. 

Madge ( aside ) . He's a treat ! And a retired gentleman 
living on his income. I wonder how much boodle he has? 
(Aloud) Do you know, I'm awfully glad to meet you. 

Thimkig (aside, proudly). I've caught on. (Aloud) Are 
you here for pleasure, too? 

Madge (sitting on sofa). No, indeed. I have an engage- 
ment at the Variety. 

Thimrig (aside). An actress! The height of my ambition 
at last. (Aloud) And so you're an actress? Do you know I 
rave about the theatre. 

Madge. You're not afraid of me, are you? Why don't you 
come nearer and rave? (Moving up to end of the sofa) There 
is plenty of room. 

Thimkig ( looking timidly oi e. 2 e. ) . No, no, no ! I prefer 
standing. I am taking exercise at the advice of my physician. 
In what play do you appear next? 

. Madge. In the new burlesque, " The Court of Love." I ap- 
pear as Prince Romeo. 

Thimkig. Prince Romeo! In male attire? (Madge nods) 

Thimkig (aside). Eureka! I'll be there among the bald 
heads ! 

Madge. You can do me a service, if you will. 

Thimkig (eagerly). You've only to mention it. 

Madge (with pretended timidity). You appear to be a gen- 
tleman of excellent taste and I would like your judgment on 
my costume before I appear. It will be so kind of you to ad- 
vise me. I'm all alone in the world. 

Thimkig. Can it be possible ! Why, it would be an honor to 
be your protector. 

Madge. But whom can I trust? I am so afraid of the 
gentlemen; they are such flatterers; 

Thimrig. That is a mistake. There are gentlemen who 
don't flatter — at least one gentleman — I — I — just try me. 

Madge (shyly). My dear Mr. Thimrig! 

Thimkig. You've only to say how I can serve you. Speak 
without reserve. 

Madge (earnestly). I do believe I could trust you! (She 
offers Thimrig her hand. He kisses it impulsively and then 
runs frightened to r. 2 e., as if to ascertain whether his wife 
saw him) And as proof that I do trust you, you shall see me 
as Prince Romeo. 



Lodgers Taken In. 29 

Thimeig (eagerly). When? 

Madge. That depends on my dressmaker. {Confldentially) 
You see, I owe her a small balance and she won't let me have 
my new suit until the old bill is paid. ^ 

Thimkig. You're in debt? 

Madge. Just a trifle. 

Thimrig {with a hold effort), Miss, if I'm not too presum- 
ing — if I dared 

Madge. Do you really want to pay it? 

Thimkig. I beg for the privilege. 

Madge. You shall see how I trust you. You shall pay it. 
I will get the bill. [EXIT l. 1 e. 

Thimeig {pacing proudly across stage at front). Progress- 
ing! I'm coming on! I'll have my little adventure. {Looks 
toward his tvife's room) What a sly dog I am ! How cleverly 
I inanaged it. 

ENTER Mes. Thimeig e. 2 e. 

Mes. Thimeig ( looking at Thimeig in surprise. He does not 
see her). Timothy! {He continues pacing up and down, 
showing his glee by his movements. Mes. Thimeig, angrily and 
very loud) Timothy! 

Thimeig {sees his wife and traces up; aside). Confound 
it ! My wife ! 

Mes. Thimeig. What have you been laughing about? 

Thimeig. Laughing? Was I laughing? I didn't know it. 

Mes. Thimeig {looking suspiciously at him). Well, you're 
sober enough now. Timothy, I've something to tell you. 

Thimrig {pushing her toward e. 2 e. ). That is all right. 
We'll go into our room and you can tell me there. 

Mrs. Thimkig. No, Alice must not hear what I have to say. 

Thimeig {looking anxiously toward l. 1 e. Aside). The 
little charmer may -come out any minute. 

Mrs. Thimeig. What is more, Alice complains of headache 
and wants to stay at home to-day. 

Thimeig {aside). It I could only get her out of this room! 
(Aloud)' My dear, it is very draughty here. (Pretends to 
feel cold, nestles down into his coat, shivers) Phew! I'm 
shivering ! I'm afraid you'll catch cold. Do get into our room. 
My precious! (Pushes her toivard e. 2 e.) 

Mes. Thimeig (sternly). Timothy, your concern for my 
health is very suspicious ! 

Thimeig (in a wounded tone). Angelina! 



30 Lodgers Taken In. 

Mbs. Thimkig (softened). There! I don't mean to hurt 
your feelings. I'll be back in a moment. [EXIT b. 2 e. 

Thimkig. Phew ! That was a close shave. I must see the 
little fairy! {Goes to l. 1 e. and knocks gently) 

ENTER Madge l. 1 e. 

Madge. Here is the bill. I had mislaid it. 

Thimrig (hurriedly). Give it to me. 

Madge (coquettishly). What a hurry you are in! (Teas- 
ingly holding the Mil behind her) 

Thimbig. Do give it to me. (Springs forward and secures 
the Mil) 

Madge. Oh, you naughty man! (Hurries to l. 1 e.) I'm 
really afraid of you. (Coquettishly Mowing him a kiss) Au 
revoir ! [EXIT l. 1 e. 

Thimkig. Now that trouble is over, I'll look at the bill. 
(Adjusts glasses on nose and examines Mil) Hello! Balance 
$500.00. Five hundred dollars! Hang it! (Sinks on sofa) 
And I haven't more than two hundred dollars available! This 
is a surprise ! Now, where am I to raise three hundred dol- 
lars? I must do it, or the little witch will have me for a 
laughing stock. What will I do? (Jumps up) Ah, I have it. 
I'll borrow it from my wife. Let me see — what excuse can I 
make to get the money? 

ENTER Mks. Thimbig e. 2 e., carrying Thimkig's hat and cane. 

Mbs. Thimkig (goes to e. of Thimeig, who stands c). Come, 
Timothy. 

Thimkig. All right, my angel. (Sits on sofa and Mtes finger 
nails in perplexity) If I only knew how to get that money. 

Mks. Thimbig (calling hack into room e. 2 e.). Good-bye, 
Alice! (Thoughtfully to herself) I'd better lock the door, 
young girls are tricky sometimes. (She gently turns the key 
in the door) There, she is safe. (Turns to Thimkig) Come, 
Timothy. 

Thimbig (lost in thought; aside). If I only knew where to 
get that money. 

Mrs. Thimkig (in a shrill voice). Tim-o-thy ! 

Thimeig (starting up angrily). What do you want? I've 
been waiting this half hour! You women are terrible pokes. 

Mbs. Thimkig. Pokes! Don't you call me ^ poke! (Jam^ 
hat over his eyes and pushes him out p. b, c.) 



Lodgers Taken In. 31 

ENTER HOPPEK L. 2 E, 

Hopper. The old folks have gone. I'll talk sense now to 
Alice, but I'll let her down easily, for she is a dear little soul. 
(Knock heard at b. 2 e., from within) 

HoppEB (knocks at e. 2 e.). It is I, Alice. The coast is 
clear. 

Alice (within b. 2 e.). I can't come out. The door is 
locked. 

Hoppee. Confound it. (Struck iy an idea) Wait, may be 
I can find another key. (He tries his key) No, that won't do! 

ENTER Badpay d. e. c, carrying vegetable dishes on a tray. 
He goes toward room e. 1 e. 

Badpay. I've got the old man's lobster salad ! 

Hoppee (fumbling with keys at b. 2 e.) Benjamin, one min- 
ute. Have you a key? 

Badpay. Burglary! (Draws keys from pocket and tosses 
them to Hoppee) Try those. I'm going. I won't be a witness 
to your crime. (EXIT e. 1 e. Hoppee tries Badpay's keys, 
and succeeds in opening door) 

ENTER Alice e. 2 e., flies into Hoppee's arms. 

Alice. Felix ! 

Hoppee. My darling! 

Alice. Wasn't it mean of mamma to lock me in. It shows 
that she is suspicious. It will be just like her to return in a 
few minutes and surprise us. I know what we'll do. (Points 
to D. E. c.) You stand there and give warning if you hear her. 
(Ooes to E. 2 E.) And I'll stand here so I can disappear if 
mamma comes. 

Hoppee. But you are too far away. I can't talk when I'm 
so far away. 

Alice (sternly). Will you obey me, sir. (They both re- 
sume their positions. Playfully) Isn't this nice. We can look 
at one another without the fear of mamma scolding, and if 
you're real good we can 

HopPEB (eagerly). Well? 

Alice. We can reach hands like this. 

HoppEB (aside). She is charming! (He rushes forward im- 
petuously and is about to seize her as if to steal a kiss when 
JQM Trumppt I5NTERS D. L. c, singing^ '' My 'Life, My Love, 



32 Lodgers Taken In. 

Reach Me Thy Hand." Alice EXITS quickly k. 2 e., and 
HOPPEB L. 2 E. ) 

Trumpet {has not noticed Hopper or Alice). I have been 
here two weeks and made no discoveries, except that the hou^e 
appears to be in possession of a harum-scarum nephew of old 
Majilton. I am playing the role of the needy musician and 
have been singularly fortunate in escaping my creditors, but 
nature won't hold out much longer. I must have a square 
meal no matter even if one of them does pounce upon me, the 
moment I've eaten it. Nobody about. This is my opportunity. 

[EXIT D. B. c. 

{The minute Trumpet is gone, Alice and Hopper put their 
heads out of their respective rooms.) 

Alice {at r. 2 e.). Is the coast clear? 

Hopper {at l. 2 e.). He has gone. I breathe again. 

ENTER Hopper and Alice and go c. 

Alice. I dare not think that our stay in New York is so 
nearly over, for I shall feel when I lose you that I have lost 
all. Do you know that I'm afraid mamma has chosen some- 
body else for me. 

Hopper. Why, the old 

Alice {sternly). Felix! Tut, tut! You mustn't talk that 
way of my mamma. 

Hopper. I meant the good, kind, old lady. 

Alice. Yes, she is good and kind when you let her have her 
own way, but she is mistaken in me this time. In all things 
else I have invariably obeyed her will in every particular, but 
when it comes to the question of love, I am no longer the shy, 
dependent child. If she thanks I am, just let her try to tear me 
away from you. 

Hopper. My darling! (Alice flies into his arms. They em- 
brace. Thimrig heard singing some popular tune off d. r. c. ) 

Alice ( alarmed ) . It's papa ! 

Hopper. He must not see us! In here, quick! {He pushes 
her ■'■nto room l. of c. and follows her. Door remains open so 
that both can he seen) 

ENTER Thimrig d. r. c, singing gaily. 

ThimeiG. I got rid of the old lady that time. I lost her in 



Lodgers Taken In. 33 

the crowd. {Sits in arm chair c, lost in thought) Well, there 
is nothing for me to do but to pawn her diamonds — for I can't 
raise the money for the little dreamer. There is my wife's 
diamond brooch. She scarcely ever wears it and before she 
misses it I'll raise the money among my friends somewhere and 
redeem the bauble. (Goes to e. 2 e. and listens) Alice seems 
to be sleeping. [EXIT b. 2 e. 

ENTER HoppEB D. L. c, cautiously. 

Hopper {looking about). He has gone at last. 

ENTER Badpay r. 1 e., hurriedly, stands at door and shouts. 

Badpay. Doctor ! Quick ! The professor has swallowed his 
toothbrush ! [EXIT b. 1 e., followed hy Hoppeb. 

ENTER Thimeig e. 2 e., cautiously, carrying a jewel case in 
his hand. 

Thimeig {looking about). I have it. But where is Alice? 
Probably gone out for a walk: I'll just lock the door. {Locks 
door b. 2 e.) How thoughtless to leave that door open. If my 
wife's brooch had been stolen, what would I have done? 
{Goes toward d. e. c, stops suddenly). No, not that way. My 
wife is liable to meet me at the front door and explanations 
might prove difficult. {Looks into room l. 2 e.) I think I've 
observed a back stairway here. [EXIT l. 2 e. 

ENTER Alice d. l. c. 

Alice {looking around). Where is Felix? 
Mrs. Thimeig {off stage, d. b. c). Timothy! 
Alice {frightened). Mamma! {Runs back into room l. 
o/c.) 

ENTER Mbs. Thimeig d. e. c. 

Mes. Thimeig. Where can Timothy be? {Looking around) 

ENTER Hoppee b. 1 e. 

Hoppeb. I recovered the toothbrush. 

Mes. Thimbig. Oh, doctor, have you seen my husband? 

HOPEEB. Not I. 



34 Lodgers Taken In. 

Mrs. Thimbig (:Sits in chair c. and fans herself as if ex- 
hausted). He'll catch it when I find him. A nice thing to 
leave me in the lurch in such a crowd. Next time I'll put a 
chain around his neck and lead him by that. 

ENTER Tom Trumpet d. b. c. He goes toward his room, d. l. c. 

Hopper (aside). Alice is in that room. (Rushes to d. l. c, 
stands ivith arms and legs stretched across it. To Trumpet) 
You can't get in here. 

Tbumpet. Why not? It's my room. 

Hopper (talcing Thumpet's arm and leading him down c. ) 
A word with you. (In stage whisper, as he points over his 
shoulder to d. l. c.) The sherifi: is in that room. 

Mrs. Thimrig (aside). The sheriff! 

Trumpet. What does he want? 

Hopper. He wants you. Says he won't go until he collects 
the costs at least. 

Tbumpet. And I've nothing but a thousand dollar bill which 
nobody will change. What are the costs? 

Hopper. Five-fifty. 

Tbumpet. All right. I'll go out and try to borrow it some- 
where. [EXIT D. B. c. 

Mbs. Thimbig (in sarcastic tone). Why don't you bring the 
sheriff out and introduce him? 

HoppEB. Introduce him? Never — ah — the sheriff is a very 
modest man. Never mingles in ladies' society. 

Mbs. Thimbig (advancing on Hopper, sternly). Are you 
quite sure that the sheriff concealed in that room doesn't wear 
skirts? 

Hopper (deprecating tone). Madam, you don't believe 

Mrs. Thimbig. Yes, I do ! That you are a rogue ! 

HoppEB. But, Mrs. Thimrig, I assure you. 

Mbs. Thimrig. Come now, let me see this sheriff in petti- 
coats. (Crosses past Hopper and sits herself back toivards the 
audience, in arm chair in front of d. l. c. ) Here I wait until 
the sheriff comes out. 

Hopper (aside). She wants to intimidate me. I like that. 
I can hold the fort as long as she can. (Takes a large news- 
paper, picks up a stool and seats himself before d. l. c.) 

Mbs. Thimrig (aside). He wants to provoke me. I'll show 
him! (Begins to trill a comic ditty, though she is raging with 
indignation. Hopper whistles the same tune. Alice knocks at 
D. L. c. from within) 



' Lodgers Taken In. 35 

Hopper. The sheriff is getting impatient. 

ENTER Tom Trumpet d. e. c. 

Trumpet. I met a friend at the corner and borrowed the 
five-fifty. Now, for the sheriff. (Goes toward d. l. c.) 

Hopper (intercepting Trumpet and leading him down c. 
Confidentially). This is a bluff. There is a lady inside who 
does not want to be seen. Do you understand? 

Trumpet. All right. What shall I do? 

Hopper. Go into my room for a little while. 

Trumpet {Shakes Hopper's hand. Aside). I've been in the 
same boat myself. (Aloud) Very well. I'll go in here and 
wait for the sheriff. 

Mrs. Thimrig (aside). They are Free Masons! They're 
helping one another. 

Hopper. All right ! Up to the present time. 

Mrs. Thimrig. I'll wait, even if I have to remain until to- 
morrow morning. 

ENTER Thimrig d. r. c. 

Hopper. Hurrah ! The siege is over ! 

Thimrig (hurrying io r. 2 e. ). I've done it. I've the boodle. 
(Sees Mrs. Thimrig) Heavens! My wife! (Is about to 
make a dash for d. r. c, when Mrs. Thimrig rises and stops 
him with her eye) 

Mrs. Thimrig. Timothy ! Where are you going? 

Thimrig. (runs to d. r. c.) I'm off! [EXIT D. e. c. 

Mrs. Thimrig (runs to d. r. c). Stop! Stop! Timothy! 
Timothy! [EXIT d. r. c. 

Hopper. Now is my opportunity. (Runs to d. l. c. Calls) 
Alice ! Alice ! 

ENTER Alice d. l. c. 

Alice. Has mamma gone? 

Hopper. Yes, but she'll be back in a minute, my darling. 
There is not a second to lose. (Runs her over to r. 2 e. ) 
Quick! (Tries door) Thunder! It is locked! (They re- 
treat to D. L. c.) 

ENTER Mrs. Thimrig d. r. c, drawing in Mr. Thimrig by the 

arm. 

Hopper (letting Alice go in alarm. Aloud). Jerusalem! 
Her mother! 



36 Lodgers Tafe-sn In. 

Mes. Thimeig (sees Alice). So it was you who was in that 
room ! 

HoppEE. Madam, I assure you 

Alice. Felix, don't apologize. 

Thimeig (amazed). She calls him Felix. 

Mes. Thimeig (alarmed). Why, how familiar they are! 

Alice. Yes, mamma, it was I who was hidden in that room. 
1 was chatting with Felix, I won't deny it. 

Thimeig (aside.) I wish I had that girl's pluck! 

Mes. Thimeig (to Alice). Aren't you ashamed? 

Alice. No, mamma, there is nothing to be ashamed of. 
Is it a crime for Felix and me to love one another. 

Thimeig (aside). She is not a bit afraid. (Clapping his 
hands. Aloud) Bravo! Bravo! 

Mes. Thimeig (sternly). Timothy! (Thimeig claps his 
hands behind his hack so Mes. Thimeig will not see him. 
Mes. Thimeig to Alice) Go to your room. We will settle this 
affair later. (She unlocks door) 

Alice (giving Hoppee her hand). Au revoir, Felix dear! 

[EXIT E. 2 E. 

Mes. Thimeig. Felix dear! Bah. (To Hoppee) I have 
something to say to you also, young man. (To Thimeig) And 
Timothy, don't fancy I've forgotten you. 

[EXIT E. 2 E. 

Thimeig. Now you can sympathize with me. (Madge puts 
her head from l. 1 e. ) 

Madge. Mr. Thimrig, the dressmaker has brought my 
costume. Now you can see me dressed as Prince Romeo. 

Thimeig (ruhs his hands gleefully). I shall be delighted. 

ENTER Madge l. 1 e., in costume as Prince Romeo. 

Madge. How do you like me? 

Thimeig (admiring Madge). Well, if that isn't scrumptious. 

ENTER Mes. Thimeig e. 2 e. 

Mes. Thimeig. What is scrumptious, Timothy? 

Thimeig (hastily pulling cover off tahle and holding it in 
front of Madge so as to conceal her from Mes. Thimeig). 
This table cover. Mother, is it wool or silk? 

Hoppee up e. Mes. Thimeig down e. Thimeig c. Madge l. 

Quick Cuetain. 



Lodgers Taken In. 37 



ACT III. 

SCENE. — Same as Acts I and II. Afternoon of the same day. 
Discovered Hoppek pacing up and doicn the stage. 

HoppEE. Well, I am an engaged man ! A very much engaged 
man ! Promised to Dora and engaged to Alice ! After the 
surprise of this morning papa Thimrig sent his wife to me, 
who in tearful accents said " Doctor, Alice has confessed all. 
You love one a'nother. So be it. She is yours, my dear 
son-in-law." I'm in the dumps. I didn't think matters had 
gone so far, but Alice is in the seventh heaven of delight and 
can't control herself for joy. And to add to my misery, 
mamma Thimrig insists on sending out engagement cards. 
What would Uncle Majilton say to that, I wonder. 

ENTER Thimkig b. 2 e. 

Thimeig (cheerfully). Felix, my son, has the mail come 
yet? 

HoppEE (aside). His son! He has taken me into the 
family already. (Aloud) No, papa! But it may comie at any 
moment. What has occurred? You seem gay as a lark. 

TiMEiG. I am gay! I have reason to be. (Approaching 
Hoppee; confidentially) That little actress in yonder room 
has invited me to a champagne dinner. 

HoppEE. Oh, ho! So she intends to give a champagne 
dinner ? 

Thimeig. Yes. She gives it and I pay for it. 

HoppEB. Where is it to be? 

Thimeig. Here. 

HoppEE. Here? 

Thimeig. Yes, and she is going to act Romeo for me, all in 
her silks and spangles. 

HoppEB. We're coming on ! Is mamma invited too ? 

Thimeig (slyly). No, mamma won't be in the party. I've 
arranged all that. 

HoppEB (interested). How do you get rid of mamma? 

Thimrig. I'll send her on a wild goose chase. I wrote her 
a letter in disguised hand writing warning her that I h-ad an 



38 Lodgers Taken In. 

engagement on the mall in Central Park with a charming 
woman. While she is rushing around the mall in a fruitless 
endeavor to find me I'll be enjoying my champagne dinner here 
at home with my little divinity in the next room. 

Hopper. You've a great head. 

Thimeig. Your old papa never gets left. But you won't 
betray me? 

HoppEB. I attend religiously to my own business. 

Thimeig. I wonder where the letter carrier can be. It is 
high time he were here. {Goes to loindoio up l.) 

ENTER Mes. Thimeig e. 2 e. 

Mes. Thimeig. Come, Felix, are you ready? This is -the 
day we are to make the engagement calls. 

HoppEE (aside). Merciful Heavens ! (Aloud) But mamma, 
the weather ! 

Mes. Thimeig (goes to ivindow up l. and looks out). It 
couldn't be finer. 

Hopper (aside). What wouldn't I give for a cloud burst! 

Mes. Thimeig (going down l. ). Hurry up. Get ready. 

HoppEE (aside, as he is about to EXIT l. 2 e. ). I'll feign a 
paralytic stroke. [EXIT l. 2 e. 

Mes. Tpiimeig (to Mb. Thimeig, who has been watching 
anxiously out of windoiv). Tell me, love, who is Prince 
Romeo ? 

Thimeig (going down c. excitedly and in a stern voice). 
Prince who? 

Mes. Thimeig. In your sleep last night, pet, you kept talk- 
ing about Prince Romeo all the time. 

Thimeig (relieved, aside). She knows nothing. (Aloud. 
Laughs) That was comical! What a silly habit I have of 
talking in my sleep. 

Mes. Thimeig. But who is the Prince? 

Thimeig. Never heard of him. I don't know any Princes. 

ENTER Badpay d. e. c. 

Badpay (to Mes. Thimeig). The letter carrier just called 
and left this for you. [EXIT Badpay d. b. c. 

Mrs. Thimeig (opening the letter). Who is this from? 
(Adjusts glasses) What miserable writing. 

Thimeig (aside). It's my letter. 

Mbs. Thimeig. Some fool must have written this. 



Lodgers Taken In. 39 

(Thimbig looks at her indignantly) What is this? {Reads) 
" Respected Madam ! I consider it my duty to warn you that 
your husband is deceiving you sliamefully." No! (Looks 
at Thimrig with stern suspicion) 

Thimrig {aside, pretending not to notice his wife). The 
fish bites. 

Mrs. Thimrig {reads). "If you doubt this go to Central 
Park to-day between two and three o'clock, near the mall, 
where you will find your fickle husband has an engagement to 
meet a certain giddy person." Oh, this is shameful ! " Signed, 
a friend." Did I ever! {She lets the letter drop) 

Thimrig (calmly). Well, my darling, any bad news? 

Mrs. Thimrig (controlling her excitement). No! No! 
None at all. (Aside furiously) A giddy female! (Picks up 
letter) 

Thimrig (sweetly). From whom is your letter, love? 

Mrs. Thimrig (furiously). You vil — (Checks herself, with' 
calmness) It is from a friend — an invitation. 

Thimrig. To take tea, I suppose — tea and gossip. 

Mrs. Thimrig. You've guessed it! (Aside) There will be 
gossip before I'm through with him ! 

Thimrig. Well, don't mind me. Go on and have a good 
time. 

Mrs. Thimrig. Thank you! (Severely) I'll go! (Aside) 
The miserable traitor. 

ENTER Hopper l. 2 e. 

Hopper (walks lame, groans as if in pain, sinks into an arm- 
chair). Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 

Thimrig. What is the matter, my boy? 

Mrs. Thimrig. Felix, what ails you? 

Hopper (talks between groans). I've dreaded (Groans) 
this for years. (Groans) It has come at last. 

Mrs. Thimrig. What has come? 

Hopper. A paralytic stroke! Oh! Oh! Oh! I feel it in 
every limb. Oh, papa, won't you do something for me ! 
Mamma, I can't pay any visits to-day. 

Mrs. Thimrig. Of course you cannot, my son. I would not 
ask you to. (Aside) This is the opportunity I, want. I'll 
hurry to the park. 

Thimrig (to Hopper). You poor fellow. Shall I go for a 
doctor? 

Hopper. No! No! What I need is rest. 



40 Lodgers Taken In. 

Thimeig. You had better let me run for the doctor. 

Mrs. Thimkig (aside). How impatient he is to get away 
-to meet his charmer. Oh, I could strangle him. (Aloud; 
to Thimeig) Well, don't talk about it, but go. Don't leave 
the man to die without medical assistance. 

Thimeig. I'm off. [EXIT d. e. c. 

Mks. Thimeig (aside). I'll soon be after you. (Goes to- 
ward D. E. c.) 

HoppEE. Mamma, where are you going? 

Mbs. Thimeig. I'm going — (ChecJcs herself) Will you loan 
me your umbrella? 

HoppEE (points to umbrella stand). There it is, but mine is 
such a heavy one. 

Mes. Thimeig (meaningly) . I'll need a heavy one. (She 
seises the umbrella) [EXIT hurriedly d. e. c. 

HoppEB (jumps up and laughs). Ha, ha, ha! It's a shame 
to fool the old lady. It's good for papa-in-law that his giddy 
female exists in imagination only, otherwise there would be 
murder. 

ENTER Peof. Ceusty e. 1 e. 

Peof. Ceusty. Your servant is not about. Won't you get 
me a cup of coffee and some spoiled apples? 

HoppEE. What do you want with them? 

Ceusty. I want to write a poem. Schiller always com- 
posed with black coffee and spoiled apples. 

HoppEE. Haven't you any left from your last appearance? 

Peof. Ceusty. Come, come, no joking. I'm desperate. I 
feel that unless I write that poem something awful will 
happen. 

HoppEE. Why don't you try a glass of wine? 

Peof. Ceusty. That is not a bad idea! A glass? I'll 
drink a bottle. Here are five dollars. Spend every cent of it in 
champagne. (Hands .money) 

HoppEE. I'll find Badpay and send him. [EXIT d. e. c. 

Peof. Ceusty (sits at table). I don't care whom you send, 
so that I get the wine and finish my poem. (Takes up paper 
and pencil) Now to begin. "When from Albion's rocky 
shores." 

ENTER Badpay d. e. c. carrying tray containing roast game, 
glasses, dishes, etc. He is followed by a boy wearing 
white apron carrying a small basket of champagne. 

Badpay (to boy). Set it down on the floor. That's all. 



Lodgers Taken In. 41 

(Boy deposits lasTcet and EXITS d. b. c.) I met Mr. Hopper 
outside and he said you wanted a bottle of champagne. I'll 
sell you one of these; he'll never miss it. 

Pbof. Ceusty. Who won't? 

Badpay. Thimrig. This is the dinner he has ordered. 

Pbof. Ceusty. That is all right. Just open a bottle and I'll 
drink it now. Quick! I feel an inspiration coming on! 

Badpay {sets Thimbig's dinner on table in front of Pbof. 
Ceusty, who begins carving the game and laying choice pieces 
on his plate as Badpay proceeds to open the bottle and fill 
a glass. Handing ivine to Ceusty ) . Drink Governor ! That 
will inspire you. (Pours another glass) I'll take a glass my- 
self. (Drinks) Here's luck! (They both drink) 

ENTER Thimeig d. e. c. gleefully, carrying a bouquet. 

• 

Thimeig. Eureka ! I have conquered ! The coast is clear. 
My little love adventure is going to be a grand success. 
( Sees Pbof. Ceusty and Badpay. Aside ) Hello ! Those 
fellows are drinking my wine! (Aloud) I say there! That 
is my champagne dinner. 

Ceusty (writing and at the same time eating out of dish 
at his side). Don't bother me now! I've got an inspiration. 

Thimeig (to Badpay). You take that lunch to Miss 
Beauclaire's room. (In a confidential tone) But keep quiet 
about it. (Proudly) She invited me to share it with her. 

Badpay. That's all right, but Miss Beauclaire is not at 
home. She unexpectedly had to go to a rehearsal. 

Thimeig. Just my luck. I'm doomed to be disappointed. 

Badpay. Run over to the theatre. May be you'll meet her 
there. 

Thimeig. Good idea ! I'll do it. [EXIT d. e. c. 

Pbof. Ceusty (has hurriedly finished more wine and is 
getting jolly). That was an inspiration of yours about the 
wine! 

Badpay ( drinking ) . Keep it up ! By the time you drink 
the second bottle, your ideas will come like a toboggan slide ! 

Pbof. Ceusty. I hope so! (Starts as if struck by a 
thought) Ah, I've another one. (Bushes back to table and 
writes ivith rapidity) 

ENTER HOPPEE D. E. c. 

HoppEE (stands astonished; sternly). What is going on 
here? 



42 Lodgers Taken In. 

Badpay {maudlin tone as he fills his glass and staggers 
about). We are composing. 

Pbof. Crusty (who has left the table and gone c. in poetic 
meditation, with a glass of wine in his hand). An idea! 
(Claps his forehead) Anotlier idea! (Rushes to table and 
quotes as he writes) " Did you see! Oh, did you see! " 

Badpay (bottle and glass in hand, staggers into Hopper's 
arms). Oh, did you see." 

Hopper. Yes, I see you're both drunk. (Deposits Badpay 
in armchair) Where is that telegram? I saw the boy deliver 
it to you at the door. 

Badpay (produces telegram from his pocket). (Hie) — here 
it is. (Hie) I forgot — (Hie) — all about it. (Hie) 

Hopper (mimicing). Then give it to me — hie! (Snatches 
telegram from Badpay and opens it. Looks over it hastily, 
then lets it fall and sinks into chair r. of c.) A house has 
fallen on me ! 

Badpay. What's wrong? 

Hopper. Wrong ! Read this, you inebriate. No, you can't. 
I'll read it for you. (Reads) "Missed the steamer. Didn't 
go to Europe. Went to Florida instead. My husband has gone 
to New Orleans on business and I am coming home. Wish to 
see you. -Important business. Tour aunt, Gertie." 

Badpay (sobering suddenly). We didn't calculate on that. 

Hopper. No, we didn't! (Energetically) Our lodgers must 
go at once. 

Badpay. They'll want a month's notice. 

Hopper. They've got to go at once, I tell you. (Looks at 
Crusty who is being struck by ideas and writes them down) 
I'll begin with the professor. ( Ooes to Prof. Crusty and slaps 
him on the back) Professor Crusty lend me your ear. 

Prof. Crusty (stops writing and looks up). Lend you what? 

Hopper. Your attention. I want you to do me a great 
favor. 

Prof. Crusty. Not to-day. I'm not lending any money to- 
day. But you can have a drink. (Hands bottle) Here, help 
yourself. 

Hopper. No, no! You don't understand me. Circumstances 
of a peculiar nature compel me to request you to move. 

Prof. Crusty (holding his hand to his ear; loudly) What 
was that you said? 

Hopper. I want you to move — at once ! 

Prof. Crusty ( laughing as he fills his glass ) . Good joke ! 

Hopper. But I insist. 



Lodgers Taken In. 43 

Pkof. Cbusty. You're a funny young man ! A very funny 
young man. Move! I like that! (^Staggers toward e. 1 e.) 
No indeed, I'm too well fixed here. {Confidentially, as he feels 
his head ) Do you know, I have such a strange feeling ! I 
think I'll go to bed. (Sings) Did you see! Oh, did you see! 

[EXIT B. 1 E. 
ENTER Trumpet d. l. c. 

Trumpet. Doctor, I want you to congratulate me ! 

Hopper. On what? 

Trumpet. I've learned another note on the trumpet. Wait 
one moment and I'll get the instrument and play it for you. 
(Goes toward d. l. c.) " 

Hopper. No, no, no ! I've something more important to 
talk to you about than trombones. You must move. 

Trumpet. Never ! I'll remain here until you can change 
my thousand dollar bill. (Heroically) I am an honest man 
and will not move away in debt. 

Hopper. Never mind the debt. I forgive you everything, if 
you'll only get out. Do get ready at once! (To Badpay) 
Benjamin help this gentleman with his things. 

Trumpet. You are too kind. 

Hopper (pushing him toward D. l. c. ). There, that's a good 
fellow. Go along ! Hurry ! 

Trumpet. But I really don't want to 

Badpay. Come, I'll help you start on the path of virtue. 
(Takes Trumpet's arm and pushes him towards d. l. c.) 

[EXIT Trumpet and Badpay d. l. c. 

Hopper. I'm rid of one of the lodgers. But what am I to do 
with the others? How in the name of Heaven am I to evict 
my future wife's papa and mamma? 

ENTER Madge d. r. c. in elegant street costume. 

Madge (exhausted, sits in armchair c.) Oh, doctor, I've 
been so detained at rehearsal. What stupid affairs these 
rehearsals are anyway. They make you go over and over 
a thing. 

Hopper (aside). She owes me her rent. I've some chance 
here. (Aloud) Miss Beauclaire, I have something to say to 
you — a confession to make. 

Madge (aside, delighted). He is in love! (Aloud, coquet- 
tishly ) A confession ! 

Hopper (embarrassed). That is — really Miss — I — I — in my 
capacity — that is to say — as the landlord 



44 Lodgers Taken In. 

Madge (aside). Poor fellow, I'll help Mm out. (Aloud) I 
understand. I have not paid my rent yet. 

HoppEK. No, no, no ! I didn't mean that — at all — not at all. 

Madge. Well, then what do you mean? 

Hopper (points to sofa). Please sit down and listen to me. 

Madge. On one condition. 

Hopper. Name it. 

Madge. That you consent to dine with me. (Sees dinner 
things on c. table) Why, what is this? The dinner that dear 
Mr. Thimrig has ordered! Poor man. How hungry he must 
be by this time. (She takes dishes and bottles from the tray 
and basket and places them on the table) You'll be my guest. 

Hopper (declining). Really — I 

Madge. Oh, don't make a fuss about it. What ails you 
anyway ? 

Hopper (with forced resolution). Miss Beauclaire, I have 
a request to make! (He seises both her hands) My honor, 
the happiness of my life depends upon your answer. I beg, 
I entreat you ! Give your consent 

ENTER Alice d. r. c. wearing street costume. She sees what 
is taking place. 

Alice (calls pitifully). Felix! Felix! (She falters and 
sinks into armchair tip c.) 

Madge (coolly). Here is a row! (Seats herself and begins 
to eat) 

Hopper (alarmed; rushes to Alice, seises her hand). Alice, 
my darling. 

Madge (aside). A little love tragedy. (Alice sobs) 

Hopper (trying to soothe Alice — aside). Confound it! It 
couldn't have happened worse. (Aloud) Alice! Alice dear! 
My darling ! Compose yourself, don't weep. Do be quiet. 

Alice (sobs). That is what you were doing while I was 
out buying furniture and things. 

Hopper. Alice, I am innocent ! I swear it ! 

Madge (aside). Of course he does. All the men do! 

PIoppER (to Madge). Miss Beauclaire, won't you explain 
this little misunderstanding? 

Madge (laughing). Why, what can I say? 

Hopper. Tell her that she is mistaken. Tell her I was only 
talking to you on business. 

Alice (rising; sternly). I don't want to hear one word 
from that woman. I loved you with my whole heart, but 
you've deceived me shamefully. 



Lodgers Taken In. 45 

Madge (laughing, clapping her hands). Give it to him. 

Hopper. Alice, listen to me. 

Alice. I leave you to your (Sarcastically looking at 
Madge) second choice. (Madge shakes ivith laughter and 
lays head on table still laughing) [EXIT e. 2 e. 

HoppEE ( calling after Alice ) . Thank you ! Thank you ! 
(Turning to Madge) Confound it, Miss, don't mock my 
misery ! 

Madge. Don't talk to me any more, you naughty young man. 
(Af L. 1 E., with mock gravity) Doctor, you insult me! 

[EXIT L. 1 E., laughing 

HoppEE. Nothing remains but suicide! (Goes to d. e. c. 
and looks out, then goes down stage) My mother-in-law is 
coming up the steps. Now there will be trouble ! 

[EXIT L. 2 E. 

ENTER Mes. Thimbig d. e. c. She is overheated and tired 
and sinks into armchair c. 

Mes. Thimeig (panting). I could see nothing of them! 
What a race I've had — and in such scorching weather. Have 
I been duped ? Oh, if I were only sure ! 

ENTER Alice e. 2 e. She is tveeping and lays her head in 
Mes. Thimrig's lap. 

Mrs. Thimrig. Child, what ails you? 

Alice (sobbing). Mamma, I'm broken hearted. 

Mes. Thimrig. "What is this? What has happened? 

Alice. I came in unexpectedly and found Felix dining with 
a lady. 

Mrs. Thimrig (indignantly).. Dining with a lady! 

Alice. That was not all. He held both her hands in his — 
his soul spoke in his eyes. There were words of love on his 
lips! 

Mrs. Thimeig. The wretch! The base wretch! Oh, men 
are all alike. None of them can be trusted for five minutes — 
not even your father. 

Alice. All is over between Felix and me. I leave it to you 
to settle the affair. [EXIT e. 2 e. 

Mes. Thimrig (pacing sternly up and down). Now is the 
time for Timothy Thimrig to assert himself. He must avenge 
the honor of his child ! 



46 Lodgers Taken In. 

ENTER Thimeig d. e. c. He is breathless and exhausted, fans 
himself with his hat. 

Thimeig (suddenly, sees Mes. Thimeig). Thunder! The 
old woman! (He is about to dart bach to the door when she 
sees him. He stops short and comes forward to her; in a 
friendly tone) Back so soon, my darling? 

Mes. Thimeig. Timothy, come here. {Holds out letter to 
him) Read that letter. 

Thimeig '{aside). Phew! It's my letter. (With forced 
calmness) Certainly my darling, if you wish me to. (Reads 
the letter with great confusion) 

Mes. Thimeig (watching him). Not a muscle of his face 
moves. (Joyously) He is innocent! 

Thimeig (handing letter hade; with indignation). Some 
scoundrel has written that! Some scoundrel who wishes to 
separate us. Angelina, I wish you had gone to the park and 
had seen yourself so that you might have been convinced of my 



innocence 



Mes. Thimeig (ashamed). Timothy, I was there. Forgive 
me! 

Thimeig. No, I cannot. I cannot! I can forgive anything 
but your unjust suspicion. 

Mes. Thimeig. Timothy, I'll never doubt you again. I'm 
cured. Forever cured. 

Thimeig. "Well, on those conditions I will forgive you. 
(Looks at disordered dishes on table. Aside) Somebody has 
been making a hole in my champagne dinner. 

Mes. Thimeig. Timothy, I know who wrote that terrible 
letter. 

Thimeig (trying to conceal his alarm). You — you — you say 
you know? 

Mes. Thimeig (in a mysterious Hone) . It was Felix! 

Thimeig (perplexed). Who? 

Mes. Thimeig. Felix Hopper wrote that letter. It was no 
one else. 

Thimeig. But what in the name of mischief did he write 
it for? 

Mes. Thimeig. That he might be left alone. That he might 
enjoy a champagne dinner with our fellow lodger — that brazen 
actress. 

Thimeig (absently). My champagne dinner! 

Mes. Thimeig (confused) . Your champagne dinner? 

Thimeig (quickly). My son-in-law's dinner, I meant to say. 



Lodgers Taken In. 47 

Why, the infernal young scoundrel ! My dear, I am boiling 
over with indignation. 

Mrs. Thimkig. So you ought to be. It is your duty as a 
father to boil! 

ENTER HOPPEB L. 2 E. 

HoppEB (aside). Now for an explosion. (Aloud. Embar- 
rassed, but very friendly) Papa! Mamma! Having a little 
tete-a-tete? 

Mes. Thimeig (savagely). Yes, we're having a tete-a-tete. 
(To Thimeig) Now if you are a man, talk up to him. 

Thimeig (aside). I must be firm. He knows I wrote the 
letter. 

Mes. Thimeig (pushing Thimeig). Come, get at it. 

Thimeig (very friendly). My dear Felix! 

Mrs. Thimeig. A little more ginger, please. (Awful voice) 
Flare up ! 

Thimeig (aside). I dare not be harsh with him. (Aloud) 
My dear Felix, you must acknowledge 

Mes. Thimeig (abruptly). If you don't roast him, I will. 

Thimeig. Your conduct has been — (Trying to find a word) 
It has been 

Mes. Thimeig (prompting). Infamous! 

Thimeig. Yes, that is what it has been — ^infamous. (Nudg- 
ing him in the kindest manner) Aren't you ashamed of your- 
self? (Winks at Hopper) 

Mrs. Thimeig. And we are furious about it. 

Thimrig (mildly). Indeed we are, Felix, dear boy. We are 
furious about it. 

Mrs. Thimeig. The idea ! You engaged to my Alice and 
dining with another lady ! 

Thimeig (aside). Oh, my champagne dinner! 

Hopper (angrily). I have dined with no one. (Looks at 
Thimeig who wilts) Such follies I leave to other people. 

Mrs. Thimeig. Ah, but Alice caught you in the very act ! 
Perhaps you'll also deny that you wrote this letter? 

HoppEE. That letter! (Looks at Thimeig preplexed) 

Thimeig ( aside ) . There is where I come in ! 

Mes. Thimrig (scornfully handing Hopper the letter). Here, 
you mischief-maker, take your wretched work ! 

Thimrig (aside). My goose is cooked! 

Hopper (looking over letter hurriedly, aside). Thimrig's 
decoy letter. Now I have him at my mercy! (Aloud) Well, 
yes, I did write this letter. 



48 Lodgers Taken In. 

TniumG (loudly). He confesses it. He did write the letter! 
(Aside to Hopper, gratefully) You have a noble heart! 

Mes. Thimeig (warning voice). No blows, Timothy. Don't 
strike him. 

Thimeig (aside to Hopper). Keep cool and let me roast 
you. (Aloxid, with mock fury) Is nothing sacred to you? 
Neither the innocence of that young girl or the serenity of this 
home that you have wrecked? How could you do so with such 
an example before you as my blameless life ! ^ (To Mes. 
Thimeig) How is that, my dear? 

Mes. Thimeig. Good! Give it to him! 

Hopper (to Thimeig). Just wait, you old sinner! (To Mes. 
Thimeig) Mamma, I admit writing that letter. I did it to 
enjoy a champagne dinner with that lady. (Points to l. 1 e.) 

Thimeig (admiringly). Lies like a tombstone! What a 
husband he will make ! 

Hoppee. But believe me, it was not a tete-a-tete or love 
making. A little later I'll prove my innocence. 

Mes. Thimeig. That is frank at least ! Down on your knees 
and beg my husband's pardon. (To Thimeig) Timothy, you 
must forgive him. 

Thimeig. Never, Angelina! My heart is stone. He has 
wounded me too deeply. 

Mes. Thimeig (sweetly). To err is human, to forgive, 
divine. Forgive him, Timothy, for my sake. 

[EXIT Mes. Thimeig e. 2 E. 

Thimeig (calling after Mrs. Thimeig). Don't leave me with 
him alone — I can't control my temper. (After « short pause, 
looks carefully around and then embraces Hopper violently) 
My boy, my noble boy ! You've done splendidly. My gratitude 
knows no bounds. 

Hoppee (dryly). I counted on that! I helped you out of 
the ditch, now it is your turn to give me a lift. You and your 
family must move to-day. 

Thimeig (dumfounded) . We must move? 

Hoppee. And you must get Miss Beauclaire to do the same. 

Thimeig (perplexed) . Are you crazy? 

Hopper. This is not a lodging house, but a private residence. 
It is my uncle's home ! I leased the rooms during his absence, 
without his knowledge or consent. His family is about to re- 
turn and I'm in a fix. There, the cat's out ! 

Thimrig. I'll do my best. But if I don't succeed 

Hopper (shakes letter at him threateningly). Fail, and I'll 
expose you ! 



Lodgers Taken In. 49 

ENTER Mes. Thimbig and Alice, b. 2 b. Alice wears a travel- 
ing-suit, 

Mrs. Thimbig. Alice, you are stubborn. 

Alice. Call it what you will. It is my firm resolve. (To 
Hoppeb) Are you really innocent? 

Hoppeb. I have convinced your mother I am. 

Alice. You'll not convince me until this dangerous woman 
has left the house. 

Hoppeb. I breathe again ! 

Alice. Papa will drive her out. In the meanwhile papa, 
mamma and I must live in the hotel opposite. {To Hoppeb) 
Come, we'll engage the rooms. 

Hoppeb. With pleasure. 

[EXIT D. B. c. Hopper and Alice, arm in arm. 

Mbs. Thimbig. Now, Timothy, do your duty. 

Thimbig. But how am I to drive the woman out? 

Mes. THiMPaG {with an inspiration). Make love to her. 

Thimeig. What good will that do? 

Mes. Thimbig. You make love to her and I'll come in be- 
tween you and make a scene. Then you must entreat her for 
the sake of peace in your family to leave the house. She is 
in her room now. Call her out and get to work. I'll hide in 
our room and listen, and then at the right moment I'll rush 
out on you. [EXIT Mes. Thimbig e. 2 e. 

Thimbig. She is determined and won't take an excuse. It 
has got to be done, but I feel as if I were in a cage of lions. 
{Knocks at l. 1 e. Madge appears at l. 1 e. Mes. Thimbig is 
seen watching from b. 2 e.) 

Madge. Oh, is it you? 

ENTER Madge l. 1 e. 

Thimbig {shy and embarrassed). Miss, I am alone in the 
house — and — and — if you've no objections — I'd like — I'd like — ■ 

Madge {going c. ). Well, what would you like? 

Thimeig {shyly). I'd like to have a little chat with you. 

Madge {laughing). All right. (Sits on sofa, points to place 
at her side) Sit down and we'll chat. 

Mbs. Thimeig {at k. 2 e.). Poor dear ! How innocent he is. 
One can see he has had no practice at these things. 

Thimeig {sits in armchair c, aside). I hope she says noth- 
ing about that confounded champagne dinner, or dressmaker's 
bill. 



50 Lodgers Taken In. 

Madge. Why don't you sit beside me? I know. You're 
afraid of your wife. She is jealous. (Mrs. Thimkig motions 
Thimrig to sit beside Madge) 

Thimrig (sitting on sofa). You're mistaken. My wife is an 
angel ! Goodness itself ! There are not many such women. 

Madge (piqued). That is complimentary to me! 

Mes. Thimrig (aside). I'd like to kiss him for that. 

Thimrig. Don't misunderstand me. It is true I love my 
wife, but you I adore ! 

Mrs. Thimrig (encouraging him hij signs). Good! Good! 

Madge (aside). Richard is himself again! 

Thimrig (passionately). From the first hour we met I've 
dreamed of you by night and thought of you by day. 

Madge (coquettishly). You don't mean it! 

Thimrig (earnestly, at the same time looking over his 
shoulder at his wife who encourages him). I do mean it! 
What a pretty soft little hand you have. 

ENTER Prof. Crusty r. 1 e. He staggers out, partly 
intoxicated, carrying glass in one hand and bottle in the 
other; stops in front of Madge and Thimrig, surveys them 
a moment. 

Prof. Crusty (to Thimrig). Hello, what are you doing 
there? I'll tell your wife. 

Thimrig. Move on. You're not wanted. 

Madge. Who is the old fool? 

Prof. Crusty. I'd like to know who you are, to call me an 
old fool. Who are you, woman? I never saw you before. 

Thimrig. This is the lady of the house. Now will you move 
on and mind your business. 

Prof. Crusty (retreating to e. 1 e.). All right. If she is 
the landlady, I don't want to interfere. But no other woman 
has the right to flirt with the lodgers. That is the landlady's 
prerogative. [EXIT R. 1 e. 

ENTER Hopper d. r. c. hurriedly. He goes down c. without 
noticing Mrs. Thimrig, who motions to him not to 

interfere. 

Hopper (aside, angrily). He is at it again! (Aloud to 
Thimrig) Father-in-law, have you no sense of prudence at 
all? (Thimrig and Madge spring up) 

Madge (going l.). Oh, they are going to fight — and all 
about me. I'll get back into my cage. (During Madge's speech 



Lodgers Taken In. 51 

Thimeig winks desperatelij to Hopper) [EXIT Madge l. 1 e. 

HOPPEK. Oh, you can wink ! I no sooner get you out of one 

scrape than you get into another. Now there is that 

anonymous letter you wrote to your wife and blamed upon me. 

ENTER Mrs. Thimrig r. 2 e. 

Mrs. Thimrig {coming fortvard, furiously). What do I 
hear? 

Thimrig. I'm ofC! (Runs to d. r. c.) [EXIT d. r. c. 

Mrs. Thimrig. So it was he who wrote that letter and sent 
me on a wild goose chase, through the hot sun in the park in 
search of that giddy female. This is the feather that broke the 
camel's back, and I'm the camel. I'll put up with his intrigues 
no longer. I'll get my bonnet and shawl and if I don't start 
a divorce suit going within an hour, my name isn'c Angelina 
Thimrig! (EXITS Hastily r. 2 e. Immediately reappears with 
ionnet and shaivl in hand and is putting them on as she crosses 
to D. R. c. and EXITS) 

Hopper. She's off ! Now there will be trouble ! This un- 
lucky family will end in chaos after all — and just as Alice 
and I had secured apartments at the hotel. What am I to do? 
I must get rid of these lodgers somehow. [Door bell rings. 
Hopper runs to loindoiv up l. and then goes c. and sinks in 
armchair) Mother of Moses! My aunt has arrived! The 
avalanche has fallen I 

ENTER Mrs. Majilton d. e. c. ; she wears traveling-dress. 

Mrs. Majilton. My dear nephew! 

Hopper (aside). It's all up with me! (Aloud) My dear 
aunt. 

Mrs. Majilton. Felix, I have so much to tell you! I 
suppose you are impatient to hear about Dora. You have loved 
her from childhood, and the dear girl loves you. 

Hopper (ruefully). Yes, I suppose so. 

Mrs. Majilton. That is — she loves you as a cousin — but to 
marry you, that is entirely out of the question. 

Hopper (jumps up, elated). Of course it is. Cousins should 
never marry. It's wrong! It's wicked — that's what it is — it's 
wicked ! 

Mrs. Majilton (joyously). Oh, I'm so glad that we think 
alike ! For some time past Dora has been devoted to someone 
else. 



52 Lodgers Taken In. 

HOPPEK (excitedly). Who is he? Where is he? What is 
his name? Where does he live? He must be my friend! He 
shall be my friend ! 

Mrs. Majilton. His name is Frederic Vanderbool. 

Hopper. What! (Bursts out laughing) Frederic Vander- 
bool ! He is uncle's arch enemy. 

Mrs. Majilton. What do you mean? 

Hopper (still laughing). Nothing! Nothing at all. 

Mrs. Majilton. He has loved Dora for a long time, but 
never had the courage to confess the secret to my husband, who, 
probably on account of the young man's poverty, has taken a 
strong dislike to him. 

Hopper. Yes, a very strong dislike. Very strong indeed. 

Mrs. Majilton. But now that I've arranged the matter 
with you I'll intercede with your uncle in poor Frederic's 
behalf. 

ENTER Prof. Crusty r. 1 e. 

Prof. Crusty (without 'noticing those present). How 
wretched I feel. But it's my fault. It comes from that 
champagne. I'm too delicate to stand a spree. 

Mrs. Majilton. Who is he? 

Hopper. He? Oh, that man. He is — that is — he has seen 
better days. I have given him a home — he helps keep the house 
in order. 

Mrs. Majilton. He appears to be in distress. 

Hopper. You must have pity for the poor fellow. 

Mrs. Majilton (feels for her purse). I will! 

Prof. Crusty (all used up. Goes to window). I must have 
a little fresh air. Oh, my head ! Oh, my head ! 

Mrs. Majilton (takes change from purse and advances to 
Peof. Crusty). Here, you poor soul! 

Prof. Crusty (turning and seeing her). Pardon me, madam, 
I did not see you. I am a very sick man. 

Mrs. Majilton (puts money in Prof. Crusty's hand). Here 
then. Here is some money for the doctor and for your family. 
(Turns to Hopper) Excuse me, Felix, I want to get off 
these dusty traveling things. [EXIT l. 2 e. 

Prof. Crusty (looking at the coin, then at Hopper). Who is 
she? 

Hopper. She is a good Samaritan ! A home missionary. 

[EXIT D. B. C. 

Prof. Crusty. A home missionary ! What does she take me 



Lodgers Taken In. 53 

for? A beggar! (Dashes coin down angrily) Has Professor 
Cornelius Crusty come to this? 

ENTER Majilton, d. e. c, wearing traveling-suit and carry- 
ing an umhrella and valise. 

Majilton (recognizing Pkof. Crtjsty). Cornelius Crusty! 
(Seizes Prof. Cbusty's hand) Why, my old friend, what are 
you doing here? 

Pkof. Ceusty. I live here. What are you doing here? 

Majilton. I live here. This is my home. I have been 
traveling and got back much sooner than I expected. (Puts 
doicn umbrella and valise) You say you live here. 

Prof. Crusty. Yes, I live here. (Points to e. 1 e.) That's 
my room in there. 

Majilton (mystified). I don't understand this. Do you 
know whether my wife has reached home yet? 

Peof. Crusty. Your wife? Are you married? 

Majilton. Oh, yes. To a most estimable young lady. But 
surely you know the lady of the house. 

Peof. Crusty (shocked). Is she your wife? Well, I pity 
you. 

Majilton (alarmed). Why, what is the matter? 

Prof. Crusty. The matter is, if I were you I wouldn't go 
traveling any more and leave my wife at home. 

Majilton. What do you mean? 

Peof. Crusty. Well, I've seen her acting as if she were 
interested in a certain young gentleman. 

Majilton. Professor, you're dizzy ! You're head rattles ! 
My wife has not been at home. Up to three days ago she was 
with me in Florida. 

Prof. Crusty. I don't care about that. One hour ago I 
caught her flirting with a gentleman in this room. 

Majilton. Professor, you alarm me! Damn it, man, you 
drive me mad ! 

ENTER Trumpet d. l. c. 

Teumpet. Well, I suppose I've got to move! (Sees 
Majilton ) Ha ! Mr. Majilton ! 

Majilton (loith a cry of rage). Frederic Vanderbool! 
What are you doing here? 

Teumpet. T live here! 

Majilton. They all live here! I'm losing my reason. 



54 Lodgers Taken In. 

You're a scoundrel, sir. You were caught courting my wife. 
Trumpet. I deny it. 

Majilton {to Peof. Crusty). Wasn't it he? 
Pbof. Crusty. No, that isn't the fellow. 

ENTER Thimbig d. r. c. looking around as if afraid of meet- 
ing Mrs. Thimbig. 

Prof. Crusty {pointing to Thimbig). That is the fellow! 
There ! There ! That is he. 

Majilton {surveying Thimbig sternly, loith crossed arms). 
So, it was you, young man. Deuce take it. You are not a 
young man. If I must be plain, you are old and ugly, 

Thimbig. Why, you insolent old scoundrel, what do you 
mean? 

Majilton {furious ivith excitement). I want revenge! 
You can't escape me. You are my wife's lover ! 

Thimbig {edging away; aside). This man is a lunatic. 

Majilton. Don't deny it. This friend of mine {Pointing to 
Pbof. Crusty) has seen you flirting with my wife. 

Thimbig. Was that your wife? 

Majilton {sternly). You'll have to give me satisfaction, sir. 

Thimbig. With all my heart. If that was your wife, here 
is her dressmaker's bill that I settled. 

Majilton. Thunder ! Has my wife let you pay her debts. 

Thimbig. Here's the receipt — five hundred dollars — may be 
you'd like to pay me back. 

Majilton {examining hill). But this is Madge Beauclaire's 
bill, and my wife's name is Gertie Majilton. 

Thimbig. It makes no difference about the name. You pay 
the bill. I want the money. 

ENTER HOPPEB D. B. c. 

Hopper. Where can papa Thimrig have gone? {Sees 
Majilton and Thimbig) My uncle and my father-in-law! 
Great Scott! {Rushes toward d. e. c, Majilton catches him by 
the coat tails) 

Majilton. Come back here. I demand an explanation ! 
Where is my wife? You know. Don't deny it. 

HoppEB. Since you know it — {Goes to l. 2 e. and knocks) 
Come out, aunt, uncle is here. 

ENTER Mbs. Majilton l. 2 e., ivearing house-dress. 

Majilton {to Mbs. Majilton). Oh, there you are, madam, 
I know all. 



Lodgers Taken In. So 

Mrs. Majilton {cheerfully, after looking at Teumpet). Oh, 
you do. So much the better, then I have nothing to confess. 
Of course you approve of my choice. {Ooing to Trumpet and 
laying her hand on his arm) Mr. Vanderbool is a good look- 
ing sober young man of good family, and if he is poor 
that is not his fault. Surely you have no objection to him. 

Majilton {ironically, and trying to stifle his rage). Oh, 
none at all. By no means! And what about the other? 

Mrs. Majilton {surprised). Which other? 

Majilton. Madam, look upon this bold Lothario and blush. 
{Takes her by the hand and leads her to Thimrig icho stands 
L. of c.) 

Thimrig {hoioing politely. To Majilton). May I ask you 
to introduce me? 

Majilton {bitterly). There is no need of an introduction! 
You are too well acquainted with my wife. 

Thimrig. Your wife? 

Prof. Crusty {aside). Is that his wife? I've made a mess 
of this! [EXIT r. 1 E. 

Mrs. Majilton. The gentleman seems surprised at that. 

Thimrig {puzzled). Well, I'd like to know what this fuss 
is about. 

Majilton. Gertie, come make a candid confession. Since 
it seems you are a stranger to this gentleman {Pointing to 
Thimrig) what are your feelings toward Mr. Vanderbool. 

Mrs. Majilton. Candidly then, I'd like him for a son-in-law. 

Majilton {astounded). A son-in-law! 

Mrs. Majilton. Certainly ! He loves Dora fondly and she 
adores him, and 

Majilton {rushing to Trumpet and grasping his hand). 
You love my daughter? Why didn't you say so before? I 
thought you were after my wife. 

Mrs. Majilton. Will you give up such foolish ideas. 

Majilton. Never ! For you are beautiful and I love you. 
{Turning to Trumpet) There is only one thing I regret. 

Trumpet. And that is? 

Majilton. I intended Dora for Felix. 

Hopper. Don't worry about me, I'm resigned to my lot. 

Thimrig. No wonder. He is to be my son-in-law. 

Majilton. Your son-in-law? 

Mrs. MajIlton {smiling). That accounts for the dear boy's 
magnanimous resignation ! 



56 Lodgers Taken In. 

ENTER Alice d. e. c. 

Alice. Felix, I've been waiting for you. 

Hopper (taking her hand and bringing her forward). I have 
been busy, darling, but it is all right now. 

ENTER Mes. Thimeig d. e. c. 

Mes. Thimeig. I've engaged a lawyer and he is coming. 

Thimeig (surprised) . What do you want with a lawyer? 

Mes. Thimeig. I have determined to seek a legal separation 
from you with alimony. (In a terrible voice) Timothy 
Thimrig, I want a divorce ! 

Thimeig (falls on his knees at her feet). My dear, won't 
you forgive me this time? 

HoppEE. Do forgive him. Don't break up the family, just 
as I am entering it. 

Majilton (to Mes. Thimeig). I don't know who you are, 
but I'd forgive him. 

Mes. Majilton. So would I. 

Teumpet. Here to. 

Alice. Mamma, do forgive him ! 

ENTER Peof. Oeusty e. 1 e. 

Peop. Ceusty (pointing to Thimeig). What is he down on 
his knees for? 

Hoppee. His wife has threatened him with a divorce and 
he seeks her forgiveness. 

Peof. Ceusty (dropping on his knees beside Thimeig). Let 
me entreat you also ! 

Mes. Thimeig (to Peof. Ceusty). Get up, you old fool! 
(To Thimeig) Well, as all present wish it, I will forgive you 
this time. 

All. Bravo. 

Thimeig (rising and taking Mes. Thimeig m his arms). 
My own Angelina ! ( Peof. Ceusty rises and goes e. ) 

ENTER Badpay d. e. c, in breathless excitement. 

Badpay. Mrs. Thimrig ! Mrs. Thimrig ! The divorce lawyer 
is coming up stairs. 

Peof. Ceusty, Fire the coal scuttle at him. 



liodgers Taken In. 57 

ENTER D. R. of c. A Super made up as a tall, gaunt individual 
with long hair and carrying a lawyer's green hag. 

ENTER L. 1 E. Madge, attired in street costume, as if about to 

move. 

Hopper (to Lawyer). My friend, your services are not 
wanted. Mamma Thimrig has determined to live happily with 
papa Thimrig — in fact we have all determined to live happily 
with one another. (To audience) As for me, I shall settle 
down into a plain exemplary married man, with my father-in- 
law as a terrible example and shall no more risk the hazardous 
experiment of " Taking in Lodgers." 

Lawyer r. of c. Badpay l. of c. 

Hopper 

Alice Me. Majilton 

Mr. Thimrig Mrs. Majilton 

Mrs. Thimrig Tom Trumpet 

Prof. Crusty Madge 

CURTAIN. 



A DOCTOR BY COURTESY 

A Farce in Three Acts, by Ullie Akerstrom 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

CHARACTERS 

Dr. Jos. Sly, a physician (?) Light Comedy 

Henri Uuval, a French merchant Character 

Chas. Jenkins, Sly's father-in-law Comedy old man 

Freddie West, a dude Character 

Michael, a hallboy Irish character 

Policeman, one of the finest. 

Florette Duval, Duval's Wife Lead 

Emily Sly, Sly's Wife Juvenile 

Martha Jenkins, Jenkins's wife Old woman 

Ida Gaygirl, of the ballet Soubrette 

Gretchen, Floretle's maid servant Character 

I'wo Interior Scenes. — Time of Representation — Two hours. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I.- — Sitting-room in Sly's office. Mr. Jenkins resorts to heroic 
measures to boom his son-in-law's medical practice. Two women prepare a 
trap. Old associates draw Sly into folly. Clouds begin to gather. 

Act II. — Room in the house of Monsieur Duval. Florette's physiciai? 
(by proxy) arrives. A startling prescription. Matters become worse and 
worse, A jealous husband and three doctors (?). 

Act III. — Same as Act I. The "green-eyed monster" appears in the 
Sly family. The story of a scratched face and a shower-bath. Explana- 
tions restore harmony, and Dr. ( ?) Sly retires from active work. 



A COMEDY OF COLLEGE LIFE IN THREE ACTS, BY ANTHONY E. WILLS 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

A realistic sketch of College life and its influence. Wallace, an in- 
dolent aimless young man, on entering college is hazed by fellow coUegiates, 
led on by Thome, the bully of his class. He turns on the bully and thrashes 
him soundly. Out of revenge, he is so ingeniously accused of theft by the 
bully, that the crime appears to carry conviction. Finally the real thief 
exonerates him and the bully is expelled. There are some very funny 
passages between two opposing veterans of the war, and in the love making 
of a German professor. In due course the inevitable young lady comes 
on the scene with the usual results. A capital play, full of interest through- 
out. 

CHARACTERS 

Franklyn Risley, Dean of the University Character 

Friederich von Weber, Professor of German Character 

Wallace Findlay, "The Babe" Lead 

Howard Thorne, "The Bully" • • Heayy 

Arthur Kingsbury. Capt. of College Team Straignt 

Paul Dinsmore, a Sophomore g'^''^}Sht 

Clifford Paige, manager of College Team Straight 

John Findlay, Wallace's father Character 

Alec, an old colored attendant 'rvi j '^r'^tf '^ 

Mrs. Almira Dinsmore, Paul's mother Old Lady 

Grace Dinsmore, her daughter • • -Lead 

Toby Sprague, the watchman's daugl-.ter Ingenue 

One Interior Stage-setting. — Time of Representation — Two hours. 



The Tri|)le Wedding 

A Drama in Three Acts 

fiij Charles Barnard 



PRICE 15 CENTS 

Four male, four female characters. A self-made man, two lawyers, a 
would-be author, three young ladies and a maidservant. Time of play- 
ing. I hour. 3 interior scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Poverty. Buttonholes, four cents a dozen. A diffident lover. 
The uncle's will. Greenfield discovers his parentage. His sacrifice. 

Act II. — The search for the heir. The young lover's expectations. The 
man with no name. A new tombstone. Clara accepts the inheritance. 

Act III. — The missing heir is found. He discovers his father. Green- 
field and Clara. The triple wedding. 



ERIN GO BRAQH 

IRISH DRAMA IN THREE ACTS 

By BERNARD F. MOORE 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Five male, four female characters. Eccentric old man, character heavy, 
leading juvenile, walking gentleman, character comedy. Leading juvenile 
lady, walking lady, heavy character, eoubrette. The action is dramatic 
throughout, with a startling climax. Time of playing, 2 hours, i interior. 
X exterior scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — ^The convict's escape O'Brien's betrayal. The truce. 
Act II. — "Erin go bragh!" Trapped. The forced promise. 
Act III. — The rebel's pardon. The promise redeemed. Death of Bxaool' 
torn. Revelation. 



THE EAST SIDERS 

A Comedy Drama in Three Acts, by ANTHONY E. WILL^ 

PRICE, 25 CENTS 

CHARACTERS 

Emil Schultz, an old tailor Old German 

Paul Albers, in his employ Character Heavy 

James Keegan, a typical New Yorker Comedy 

Robert Perry, an actor Lead 

Daniel Jarvis, a prosperous merchant Character old man 

Clarence Frothingham, a dry-goods clerk Dude 

Officer McNally, a policeriian Comedy 

Otto Werner, a street musician German comedy 

Mrs. Schultz, the tailor's wife Old lady comedy 

Edna Schultz, her daughter Lead 

Lieutenant Brockway, a Salvation lassie Straight 

Dolly Hammond, who lives upstairs Soubrette 

One Interior Stage-setting. — Time, 2 Hours. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS 

Act I. — New Year's Eve. Paul Albers arrives, expecting to marry 
Edna. Mr. Jarvis hears some plain truths. The mistake of Clarence. The 
mortgage. The marriage of Edna and Perry announced. Edna driven from 
home. 

Act II. — July, eighteen months later. Jarvis opens the big store. 
McNally receives a scare. Paul's gambling. Good advice thrown away. 
The overdue mortgage. Paul's theft. Edna accused. 

Act III. — October, three months later. The distress of Schultz. 
Sheriff in charge. Edna's operatic success. An obdurate father. Arrest 
of Paul. Some lively bidding. Dolly's purchase. Schultz relents. Every- 
body happy. 



ROCKY FORD 

A Western Drama in Four Acts 

By BURTON L. SPILLER 



PRICE, 25 CENTS 



Eight male (2 may double), three female characters. One exterior, two 
interior scenes. Time, 2 hours. The action revolves around the theft of a 
will by a gentlemanly villain, whereby Jack, a young ranchman (lead), 
nearly loses not only a fortune, but also his affianced bride. Jack's two 
cowboy friends come to his rescue, however, and through their timely 
interference the plan to defraud him is foiled, A Kentucky major and « 
middle-aged spinster have excellent comedy parts. 



MILITARY PLAYS i 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. P. 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 4 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; SJ^ hours 10 4 

PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; SJ^holirs.. 10 4 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; IJ^ hours 9 6 

ISABEL, THE PEARL, OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 3 hours 9 3 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; SJ^ hours 9 3 

BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 3 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 8 4 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; ^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 4 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 214 hours 5 2 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3Acts;2hours 4 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; Ihour... 6 3 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PABTY. 1 Scene 6 11 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; li^ hours 19 15 

.JAPANESE "WEDDING. 1 Scene; Ihour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 3 hours 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; !!,;< hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKETV^L OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Eecitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS, 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; IJ^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN "WALL. (15 cents) 11 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. 



LIBKHKY Uh CUNbKtbi^ 





COMEDIES AND DK^^.M '^^^ ^'^^ ^ 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. P. 

BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4ActB;2hours 6 3 

BtlTTERSTUT' S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2}^ hours n 6 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 3 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2}^ hours 9 4 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 8 6 

DELEGATES EROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 10 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 5 

EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 4 

ESCAPED EROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2}^ hours 5 3 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2)^ hours 5 3 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; IJ,^ hours 4 6 

JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 6 3 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Acts;2hours 7 4 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2J^ hours 9 6 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours 13 4 

NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 4 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2hourH 6 9 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3Acts;2hour8 4 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts; 2hourB 6 3 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 6 Acts ; 2^^ hours 6 4 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2 Ji$ hours.. * 5 3 

WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2^ hours 7 4 

WHITE LIE. 4ActB; 2}^hour8 >. 4 3 



WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours 8 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2»4 hours 11 

RED ROSETTE. SActs; 2 hours 6 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2J^ hours.... 5 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2>4 hours. 9 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 





